Thoughts: No Longer Two, But One

Groggily, I managed to creep to the bathroom this morning to find a flower and note on the toilet seat. Only then did it dawn on me that today marks the 6th month of my marriage. My husband has outdone himself again. He is great at pulling off little surprises like this. And he never seems to forget to greet me every 3rd of the month. And to my shame, he has so far hands down beaten me to it. My forgetfulness in this area has many times made him wonder out loud who the real girl is in the relationship.

My husband may be an expert with little surprises, but he's bad at keeping the big ones to himself. A couple of weeks ago, he woke me up early in the morning just to announce, "We're going to travel to __ on our anniversary!" only to regret it later for telling me way in advance. It should have been a surprise, but he was so happy he had to inform me about it. My adorable husband then tried to make up for it by looking for other destinations to append to that anniversary trip, but I always managed to blow his cover.

Never in my life did I expect marriage to be this much fun. Honestly, I feel like a girl playing house with my best friend. It pays that at this age we still enjoy playing games! It amazes me how many hiding places we've managed to find in our cute 24-square meter apartment. (Oprah, you have to give us a bigger house!) Or how many times I've scared the wits out of him by shouting "Boo!" when he least expects it. It's been a happy, giddy 180 days of togetherness for us.

Growing up, I've heard so many tales of woe about marriage. Many have warned me about the headaches and heartaches of matrimonial life and all the harsh responsibilities it brings, so I didn't go into marriage blindly believing that it will be a bed of roses. Yet, another side of me was very optimistic. I knew I waited for the right man, and I knew my God created marriage, therefore it's supposed to be a good thing. And so, with eyes wide open, I took the plunge 6th months ago and said my vows in front of a sea of smiling and sobbing family and friends.
Making a marriage work, as they say, is hard work and I believe in that. Anything worth keeping entails diligent toil. But, hey, I'm going to have great fun, while I'm working at it. I'm going to be the most joyful homemaker as I scrub the toilet and sort the dirty laundry. I'm going to hum as I cook. I'm going to be vocal about my appreciation for my husband's efforts to make life better for us. And most of all, I'm going to remember to thank God for the big and small blessings of being married.

I am no relationship expert, but I do want to share some things I have learned while crossing over from single-blessedness to marital bliss.

. . . Do not be in a hurry to get married. Discover first who you really are and what you want to accomplish in life. Then, throw your life at it with a passion. Only when you are fulfilled and happy with yourself can you best share life with another person. Don't just wait for the right person, be the right person.

. . . Choose well. God is very interested in helping you in this area and He knows who is best for you, so consult Him. Choose someone who share the same moral and spiritual background, if you want a peaceful home and a stable marriage. If possible, choose to marry your best friend--someone who love hanging out with and someone who makes you laugh. Remember, there's no escaping this person when you are married.

. . .Keep your virtue. Premarital sex may be in vogue these days, but you don't have to go in that direction to get a man. Wait for someone who will appreciate you for your convictions. Do not risk your future for a few hours of pleasure. You'll be so glad you waited till your wedding night.

. . . Choose to serve and not be served. Enter your relationship with this mindset. Don't expect the other person to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. But do everything you can to make the other person happy. It'll pay big dividends for your relationship.

. . . Spend time with your significant other's family. It's a surefire way of getting to know that person. How does this guy treat his mother or sibling? Is he respectful or rude and uncaring? Watch out, because that's also the way he's going to threat you when you're already his wife.

. . . If you are not sure, don't! The wedding preparation is a good time to get to know how good you both are in dealing with stress and conflict. If along the way, you figure that you are better off alone than engaged, better voice out now or forever hold your peace. Even if the wedding invites have already been sent, please don't hesitate to back out if you are having doubts. It's better to back out now, than to have your marriage annulled later. It will save you time, money and lot of heartaches.

. . . Make peace with your past. Any unsettled issue from your past will ultimately crop up in your marriage. Deal with them while you are single. Ask the God of mercy to heal your heart and set you free from any mental or emotional bondage that's holding you back.

. . . Plan for the marriage, not just for the wedding. Read books, attend seminars and go for pre-marital counseling. Don't be so caught up with the wedding planning that you forget to iron out things in your relationship. Learn from the counsel of happily and the not-so-happily married couples. You don't have to go through marriage dazed and confused.

. . .Pray and discover your destiny in God. He has a unique plan and calling for each one of us. Don't try to fit yourself into a mold. A friend recently admitted that she doesn't want to get married. Well and good. "Maybe that is your calling and, that, too, is a good thing," I told her.

Happy 6th month, Michaell! :) I'm so proud to be your wife.

"At the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
--Mark 10:6-9

God Speaks

"If you talk to God, you must be religious. If God talks to you, you are plain crazy," declares a brash politician as a reaction to another politician's bold claim that she was "appointed" by God to her position some years ago.

That politician's wry comment is indicative of modern man's cynicism towards all things spiritual. Truth of the matter is God is ever communicating with His creation. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," God says in the Bible (Jeremiah 29:13-14). He promises to give a piece of his mind to every earnest seeker. Why talk to God at all, if you don't believe He'll answer? It's that simple.

God always communicates. He does through His word in the Bible (so long as you read it!), His creation and often through other people. He's not as interested in ritualistic, repetitive prayers, as He is in heart-felt, gut-level communication. Neither does He seem to care much about the vocabulary nor eloquence of the petitioner. "When you pray," Jesus said, "Do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

The infinite Mind who knows each word you will utter even before a conscious thought forms in your mind is more concerned about having a living, intimate relationship with you, than He is about rituals and protocols.

Photo taken March 22, 2008

Over the years, my relationship with Him has brought me places I never thought I'd dare thread.

Out of his bidding, I've ridden military trucks, lived alone in a foreign land, shared meals with the poorest of the poor, even seen miracles unfold before my very eyes--the deaf hearing and the vision-impaired gaining back their sight! His voice has challenged me more to conquer my fears and live out a life I'd never thought possible. His promises have given me the tenacity to hang on when the going gets tough.

Having had an on-going dialogue with God for 25 years now, I still got a buzz when I receive a message from Him. My most recent talk with God involves my current home address. My new husband and I have just settled in one of the most dangerous cities down south. Bombings, kidnappings, head-choppings are common in the headlines here.

One day news of another random kidnapping hit the airwaves-- this time 3 public school teachers had been haplessly kidnapped. As I lay down to sleep that night, I wrestled in my thoughts with God. I've always known that after I got married, home would be in this infamous city. I knew it to be God's will, but then our safety was now foremost in my mind. "I don't want to be fodder for these brutal kidnappers," I argued. I couldn't sleep that night, so a few minutes after that prayer, I got up and sat on my desk. Just then, a text message punctuated the silence of our room. It was a message from my pastor friend whom I hadn't talk to in a while.

His message read: "Just been prompted to pray for you and your family this moment. I don't know why. Sorry to bother you. 'Will you have it your way or God's way?' First, trust God to have your best interest at heart, then trust Him to lead you to the right choice." A timely word from one of God's messengers at 1:30 in the morning.

He included in his SMS the scripture Psalm 32:8-9. I quickly opened my Bible and read: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule which have no understanding but must be controlled by the bit and bridle or they will not come to you."

I had no doubt it was God speaking.

After that nighttime SMS, the situation seemed to get worse. We heard of more people getting kidnapped. Something also transpired in our neighborhood that made us cautious to go out, especially at night. We prayed for God to move on our behalf.

Nonetheless, we decided to heed God than the voice of our fears. A month later, two kidnapping syndicates have been arrested. And without much funfare, we discovered that our neighborhood problem had solved itself. To our astonishment, we found out that our prayers have been answered to the letter.

To see is to believe--that is the motto of this cynical world. But God challenges us to believe Him first. Then we shall see His miracles with our very eyes. This is not an easy task and only few have dared to take Him up on His irrational challenge. But to those who dared, nothing in the world could be more logical.

"And without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."

--Hebrews 11:6

Thoughts: Engaged!

I have formed a new habit: checking out the glittering ring on my left ring finger—a half-carat solitaire set on white and yellow gold that is encrusted with 27 tiny diamonds. Growing up, I’d never taken to wearing rings. But now, short of four months of being engaged, it feels like second skin. I seldom take it off, even when I’m sleeping or in the shower.

I’m endlessly fascinated by this ring that I find myself subconsciously checking it out wherever I am—at the breakfast table, in church, while walking at the mall. Sometimes I get embarrassed when I realize people are staring. Yes, the ring is too extravagant for everyday use, but I wear it nonetheless because it reminds me of extravagant love.

At twelve, I was already praying for my future mate. I am a hopeless romantic and didn't want to waste my time on pointless relationships. In college, as I held a high position in the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) club, I told God that I only want to date the person that He has for me, so I told Him to shield me from the wrong guys. And He did. It sure wasn’t fun not having a steady date throughout my teens and my early adult years, but the career and the wonderful sets of friends made up for the void.

And then it happened. . . It was a beautiful spring day when I met him. I was at a church retreat when I first laid my eyes on him. It must be true what they say that love comes when you’re not looking. At that point in my life, I was so happy reveling in my singleness that I wasn’t even thinking about meeting anyone. I was content that I was living a purposeful life with God at the center of it. But there I got the shock of my life, after seeing this person for the first time, I blurted to God in prayer that this is the guy I wanted to marry. I didn’t even believe at love at first sight . . . until that point.

And God did set us up. Arriving late at the last session of the retreat, my friend and I sat at the last row of the function room. Before the session commenced, the speaker asked those at the back to transfer to a couple of vacant seats in front. My friend and I hurried to the front. The guy and I landed on the same table, at the same time. Our friend introduced us. Seated next to him and hearing his convictions about God and relationships, I got all the more convinced that he was the one.

Months after that first encounter, I still couldn’t take him off my mind. But then, he was from a far-flung place and we were both still strangers to each other. God did assure me though that He will make a way and so I had peace.

Three years later, I saw him again. Two weeks before my birthday, I woke up and told God that I wish He’d let me meet my future mate before I turn a year older.That night that same friend who I was with at the retreat dragged me to a birthday party of someone I didn’t even know. That was where I saw him again. He didn’t even remember me, but I sure recognized him. Before I left, he caught up with me and said, “It was nice meeting you.” That started a solid friendship that lasted for three years.

Last October, as we were wading in the ocean at sunset, Michael asked if we could take the friendship to another level. It wasn’t much of a surprise, as I already had an inkling on our first meeting that this day would come. It was worth the wait.

This New Year he called me a little worried that he couldn’t get a seat on the plane. We had talked about meeting in Manila 3 days after his birthday. I didn’t know he was worried because he was set to propose and had in fact had the ring engraved before Christmas. He wanted to propose on January 6, 2008—an auspicious date in Chinese calendar. Actually, we don’t believe in that stuff, but he wanted a date that was easy to memorize. But then he couldn’t get a ticket for January 5!

After much prayer, I told him that I know God will somehow send him to me by January 5. We even prayed for a seat in first class. Two days before his flight, he still didn’t have a ticket. He was worried sick, while I, on the other hand, because I didn’t know he was proposing, was just calm and happy. But then, that night a cousin invited him to a party and there he met a lady who wanted to have her ticket re-booked. He stashed the ticket in his bag and left.

The next morning, his staff saw the ticket and reminded him to have it rebooked right away because the ticket was for January 5! “Wait, hold that ticket,” he exclaimed.

Somehow, he got himself in the plane by using this lady’s ticket and showing the ring to the airline officers who got convinced that he wasn’t interested in bombing the plane, he just needed to get to Manila on time to propose on January 6.

And so, he did arrive on Manila on January 5, seated comfortably in the front row of the plane! (We prayed for a seat in first class after all!).The next day he took me to Island Cove and in the room where we first sat beside each other serenaded me with a guitar, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

The ring came in a box containing his insignia. I must admit that when I saw the ring for the first time, it scared me. I’d wanted a simple and understated engagement ring. (I didn't care if it's one of those plastic ring that came with candy, as long as it came from him!)But as it dawned on me how much love was behind the ring, I grew to love it and now I cannot spend an hour without admiring it, especially when I remember how much my fiancé sacrificed to buy it and get it on my finger on 1-6-8.

To me the ring is a reminder of the extravagance of God’s love. Like a doting parent, He wants us to have the best, even though we sometimes feel we don't deserve it. When you see me nowadays walking down the street, looking contentedly at my ring as I amble along, do smile and thank God with me. –written April 4, 2008

Something to Think About

A friend gave me this pin years ago. It's on my desk.
I took a good look at it again this afternoon.
It's a good reminder in these trying times.
What am I truly living for?

Grateful

10/7/07 at Cawa-cawa

For surprises and sunsets

carousel rides

and islands that appear out of nowhere at dawn. . .

Photo: Panglao Island Nature Resort (4-17-06)

Article: From the Office to the Farm

At 36, Jose Feron “Dodong” Cacanando was on his way to corporate success as assistant country manager of Hewlett-Packard Philippines. “I enjoyed my job because I was excelling at it. My goal then was to become general manager of Hewlett-Packard. They told me that I was number 3 in the succession plan,” said the affable electronic engineer. In 1997, however, he felt a growing sense of uneasiness, making him wonder if he should be doing something else. It escalated during a 3-month stint that had him traveling in and out of the country. “I couldn’t breathe because of the tension. So I asked myself, ‘Pag magkasakit ba ako, ano ang gagawin nung company? Of course, they would send me to the hospital. Pag hindi ako maka-recover, ano ang gagawin ng kompanya? They are going to replace me.’ And then, I developed a burden to spend time with my family. I told God I was willing to give up my career,” he shares.

A spiritual person, Cacanando asked providence for signs that it was time to leave his job. “I wanted miraculous signs. If God wanted me to resign, let Him give me a very good performance that fiscal year, so that they won’t think I’m abandoning the company. Second, don’t promote me even if I’m up for promotion, because I would be tempted to stay. Finally, give me four months’ worth of salary so that I would have money to look for a business,” he recalls. The odds of those things happening would be next to impossible, he surmised. The Asian economic crisis had badly affected the company’s performance, making it lag behind in its quota. “We only had $58,000 in sales near the end of that fiscal year. That’s so far from our $1 million quota,” he stresses. Four days before the fiscal year ended, however, the office fax machine started churning up purchase orders. That year, they didn’t only beat the $1 million sales quota, they exceeded it by another million. In spite of that, Cacanando didn’t get his promotion, but landed a bonus that was equivalent to four month’s worth of salary. He knew it was time to move.

Photo: Dodong Cacanando at his country home in Bukidnon

(2-28-06)

Cacanando dreamt of living a simple life in a farm. “It meant I can spend time with my family. It meant I can have time with God. Yun lang yon,” he shares. Having minimal assets, he thought of relocating his family to Mindanao where the cost of living is relatively lower. One weekend, Cacando brought his wife Peachy and their two children to Cagayan de Oro. They took a side trip to two farms in Bukidnon, an hour’s drive from Cagayan de Oro city. His wife and two children fell in love with the place. Cacandando’s wife grew up in Manila and had worked as an interior designer in New York, for her to want to relocate to a remote province was a miracle in itself. Cacanando took that as another sign.

When the family got home, Cacanando submitted his resignation letter. Two months later, he called up Monterey to ask about the possibility of being a hog contract grower. “While the concept is nice to go contract growing, it was very expensive. The farm would cost P12M. The income was smaller, pero sigurado yan, kasi total may mag-mamarket sa yo. Magpapalaki lang naman ako ng baboy eh,” he explains. Monterery told him that it usually took eight months to look for land and four months to get a business permit. Since he had no relatives or contacts in Bukidnon and only had four months’ worth of salary, Cacanando felt he didn’t stand a chance of finding a site for the piggery. He went home discouraged and spent two weeks praying about his next step.

After two weeks, Monterey called him up to say that a prospective contract grower had pulled out and was selling his 14-hectare land for P1million. The property was located at the foot of Mt. Kintanglad and although there was no infrastructure yet, the owner had already drawn up a plan for roads and electricity. “Mahal kung lupa lang, kasi wala pa namang infrastructure eh. Plano lang, kaya lang it meant business for us, When I asked him, ‘When did you start to look for the land?’ You know, it was the time when God told me to leave my job. Parang pinahanap sa kanya ng Diyos yung lupa, tapos binigay sa amin,” he shares. Cacanando borrowed P8 million from relatives. He got the rest of the capital from the proceeds of the sale of his house in Parañaque.

When he relocated his family to Bukidnon on Oct 1998, Cacanando had to start from scratch. Since all his money went to the construction of the farm, the family had to live in a 20-footer container van, which they had used to haul their belongings. When Moriah Farms started operations in February 1999, he only had P1,000 in the bank. “Our container van home is special to us, because it taught us to simplify our life. In everything that we do now, we’ve learned to bring down the cost,” Cacanando says.

Photo: Dodong, his wife Peachy and the author taken by Jun Pinzon (2-28-06)

During the first month, the 3,000 pigs in the farm earned him P100,000, which he quickly put back into the business. Income was small but steady and Cacanando was content. He admits, though, that it took a big shift in mindset for him. “My biggest struggle was cash management. Because in Hewlett-Packard, I had salary, I could spend as I pleased. You cannot do that in business. It took me four years to unlearn that,” he rues.

Since he felt that this new venture was providential, Cacanando wanted to run it God’s way. He began using the Bible as a tool for improving his business. “I read the Bible not to be spiritual but to learn how I should do things. The Bible tells us that God has given us everything and that we are just stewards. If God has given me everything I need, then I should not waste anything. Dapat wala akong sayangin, maski yung manure ng baboy,”Cacando, now 43, explains. He implemented a “no waste” policy in the farm and started a project with pig manure. “Ang baboy ang problema niyan, waste niya eh. Karamihan ng babuyan dito may kaso with DENR. Kasi nagsispill-over sa water system,” he says. Since the piggery took up only six of the 14-hectare property, he began dumping hog’s waste on the remaining land, using it as fertilizer. This not only took care of hygiene in the farm, it also gave birth to a business more profitable than the piggery—vegetable farming.

Photo: Dodong and the author at the lettuce farm (3-1-06)

The first crops he planted were carrots. He found that farming is not as easy as it looks. His first harvest yielded thumb-sized carrots. Having limited income, Cacanando scoured old bookshops for second-hand books. “Farming pala is complicated. You don’t just plant and then it grows. You have to work the soil. You have to put a lot of fiber in the soil. Hindi lang siya compost. Kailangan may fiber siya. Dapat may tinatawag na calcium siya,” he says. After a few hits and misses, Cacanando eventually came up with high-quality yields, prompting the Department of Agriculture to ask him to teach them how to plant carrots.

In the year 2000, a neighbor suggested that Cacanando harvest lettuce. Not knowing anything about growing lettuce, Cacanando hesitated at first, but gave it a try to appease the neighbor. To his big surprise, his farm yielded lettuces weighing 1-kilo each. “Pag dinadala namin sa traders, tinatanong nila, ‘Ano yan cabbage?’ It was the first time they saw lettuce this big. I learned later that lettuce is one of the hardest crops to grow. The reason we stuck with it is it is easy for us. Feeling ko bigay ng Diyos,” he humbly says. Unbeknownst to him at that time, the location of his farm was perfect for growing the said vegetable. “What’s special about our place is we’re positioned below a mountain. Meron akong kaibigang farmer, pareho ang elevation ng farm namin, pero malayo siya sa bundok. He cannot grow lettuce whole year round. Kami we can, because of our location,” he explains. Cacanando started marketing the vegetables to traders in nearby Cagayan de Oro City at a volume of 250 kilos per week. The lettuce, consisting of four varieties (iceberg, green coral, red coral and romaine), would sell from P65 to P105 per kilo.

Wanting to come up a better yield at a lower cost, he continued to improve the nutrition of his vegetables. He put his background in engineering to good use and optimized systems in the farm. “We’re very competitive in pricing. I want to be the best and I want to be the cheapest in my category. I want persistent profit throughout the year, so maski konti lang ang kita, basta parati. What the customers do, they give us bigger volume. Totoo may mas mura kesa sa amin, but we’re the most consistent in quality,” Cacanando explains.

Through the prompting of a friend, Cacanando sent 10 kilos of his prized lettuce to one of the processors of Mcdonald’s in 2001. He quickly became one of the ten suppliers of Mcdonald’s, shipping 500 kilos to Manila weekly. When Mcdonald’s quality control manager Carol Banad visited the farm in 2002, she offered to send Cacanando on a lettuce convention in Australia. After that trip, he was informed that Moriah Farms had been chosen as Mcdonald’s preferred supplier. From 500 kilos of lettuce, the company wanted him to supply 3.5 tons weekly. “Normally, you look for the market, then you work for quality. Sa amin, we worked on our quality first. The market will just come when they hear about it,” he explains. In 2002, Kentucky Fried Chicken also became a client.

Photo: World-class lettuce from the Philippines (3-1-06)

Today Moriah Farms is one of the biggest suppliers of lettuce in the country, with an output of 7 tons per week. Its produce has been chosen as one of the best in Asia in terms of taste, texture and color. “The lettuce would be sent to HK for grading. There have been occasions when our lettuce was graded 3, the perfect score,” he proudly says.

From thirty farm hands in 1999, Cacanando’s staff has grown to seventy. Part of their training is a weekly Bible study that Cacanando says has been instrumental in decreasing incidences of conflict and theft. “To me in business, one of the biggest pain is people management—away, nagyayabangan, intriga, tsismis. Because of the Bible study, we would share the same values. It helped us improve on our system. In fact, it helped us save on money. Ang security guard ko sa farm na 70 ang tao, isa lang. I don’t need to hire more managers. My people watch each other,” he says. As they tackled topics like stewardship and dignity of labor, Cacanando also noticed that these sessions boosted the morale of his people, thereby increasing productivity in the farm. He is most proud of his farm managers, most of whom had very little education, but runs the farm like a seasoned managers and agriculturists. Other businessmen and corporations have taken notice and are asking him to train their staff. This prompted Cacanando to put up Semilya sa Kinabuhi (Seed of Life), a non-profit training facility that marries business and biblical principles.

It’s been seven years since Cacanando left the corporate world, and he has no regrets. His farm, which has expanded to 19 hectares, is earning Cacanando a substantial amount in millions, allowing his family to live comfortably. His investment in the hog farm has not yet been recouped, but the earnings from the lettuce farm has more than made up for it. This year he and his managers are targeting to increase their output to 10 tons per week.

Looking back, Cacanando is grateful he developed the habit of living frugally and keeping out of debt. “I believe in growing a business. Start small. Makakatipid ka sa detalye. When you’re forced to grow from small, yung internal learning, malakas masyado. Kaya yung aking farm manager, grade 5 lang ang natapos, ang galing-gaing, because we went through all the pain of trying to understand with very little money. When you have a lot of money, you don’t think of that, you buy the solution,” he shares. Case in point: Some years back, he needed a manure dryer that would set him back P800,000, but since he didn’t have the money and his wife didn’t want him to borrow, he and his managers were able to design a manual dryer using bamboo slats, costing him only P80,000.

It is this philosophy that has made his business thrive through the hard times. The market, in recent years, has been bad. Most of his competitors have shut down operations. “They even have Australian and Israeli consultants, but they closed down because they have big debts. The reason why we are still here is number one, God is sustaining us. Number two, wala kaming utang,” the happy farmer ends.

-Written by Jennifer Yap Caspe
for Entrepreneur Magazine, May 2006 issue

Photo: Puerto del Sol by Tin Caspe (4-04-06)

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for,and certain of what we do not see."

-Hebrews 11:1

Photo: Baby for sale at a supermarket in Guangzhou, China!
(1-7-06)

Strange sightings during my recent trip to HK and China. . .

. . . A caucasian mommy who put her baby on the conveyor belt of the baggage x-ray counter at the PAL Centennial Airport. Whether out of ignorance, confusion or exasperation, I don't really know. Good thing the vigilant airport attendant caught her before the baby had a full-body x-ray even before turning a year old . . .


. . . A Filipina domestic helper at the HK airport holding a tightly-sealed purple paper bag. Upon inspection by this inquisitive Filipino baggage checker (who kept humming a South Border song), we found out it was nothing illegal. It's just pritong dalag, folks! Fried fish that went through customs and immigration. . . Only a Filipino could think of bringing that!


. . . This baby sleeping soundly inside a shopping cart. Doesn't the photo make you want to ask the supermarket clerk what section or aisle you can get a baby as cute as this one?


Happy New Year!

Photo: The Children of Camarines Sur (4-26-05)

Thoughts: Tell Him Where It Hurts

Whoever said church was boring must have never gone to Victory Christian Fellowship. This morning I was given the opportunity to sing ala-Juris of M.Y.M.P. when the worship team sang our version of "Tell Me Where It Hurts."

Having only practised the song once (at 9:30 PM last night!) I proceeded to mangle the lyrics. I kept on reverting to the original version, which I have been singing since it first came out in the 90s. I asked worship leader Me-anne, if I could be excused from the performance, but she gave me a stern look and told me, "Kaya mo yan!"

I am glad I didn't back out. I don't know, though, if the congregation felt the same way! Not only did I feel like a pop artist for 4 good minutes, I felt Jesus speak to me as I was singing the song, which Me-anne re-wrote to fit the Sunday crowd.

Here's what I remember from the song. Come sing it with me:

I

Why is that sad look in your eyes, why are you crying

Tell Me now, tell Me now, tell Me why you're feeling this way

I hate to see you so down, please tell Me

Is it your life, you think you're getting nowhere

Being so far from what is meant for you

There's so many things that I can do



Chorus:

Why don't you tell Me where it hurts now tell Me

And I'll give the best, not just any other

Yes, I'll do My best to make the tears all go away

Just tell Me where it hurts now tell Me

'Cause I love you with a love so tender

And If you let me stay, I'll love all of the hurt away

II

Lest you compare your life with another

Don't be sad, don't feel bad

'Cause I have greater plans for you

You may think that I am too cold or silent

Open your eyes as I put back all the pieces

Of your broken heart

Making all things new

There's so many things that I can do

(Repeat Chorus)

"God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them."-Hebrews 6:10

Photo: Counting Circles at The Top, Cebu by Tin Caspe (10-30-05)

Thoughts: A Date to Remember

"I have a date with a cute boy tomorrow. I'm so excited," I texted a friend last Thursday. My friend was intrigued and started grilling me if this "guy" was "the one"! Er, I don't think so!

I spent Friday afternoon in the company of 4-year-old Luis and it was one memorable day for me. I never thought baby-sitting could be fun and fulfilling, until I met the Paderes kids--what are smart and sweet bunch they are!

When I arrived at their house, Luis was hiding inside a tiny space in their cabinet! After giving me a warm welcome, he proceeded to show me his jumping skills--ranging from super-duper high, to super high, to medium high and low. He could also do a mean back roll! (His father wanted to name him after Bruce Lee, but changed his mind, you see.)

Luis Rafael with his book and toy robot (11-04-05)

Luis regaled me with his sharp memory by taking me through his Dinosaur activity book. Wow, he remembered all the instructions his mom gave for every single page and proceeded to correct me when I mis-read one! This little guy remembers everything. More than that, I could sense his deep love for his mom as he recited to me her every word.

During the course of our time together, Luis was coughing and developed a fever, but he never once complained. He was just happy to go to Jollibee and eat Chicken Joy with me. Before the meal, he took my hand and started thanking God for the food. He also prayed that everybody will be well. Before leaving Jollibee, I bought him a toy donkey to remind him of our "date."

When his mom called, Luis didn't mention his fever or his cough, or how tired he was, all he said was "Mom, I have a new toy donkey!" When I coaxed him to drink his medicine, he did so without grumbling. After torturing him with three kinds of icky medicine, all he wanted from me was a bedtime story--no, make that 5 bedtime stories! So I read him Bendon the Bear, David and Goliath, Noah and the Ark, Daniel and the Lion's Den and Jesus' resurrection, until my voice was almost hoarse. It gave me a new appreciation for the Bible and motherhood!

Luis's sisters: Fumi and Sofia!

What a privilege it is to be entrusted to care for this little boy even for just a few hours. And what a great privilege it is to have God entrust us with the care of His precious children. Luis is a great kid beause his parents have invested so much in him, even while he was still in the womb. Whenever I visit them, I see how Ate Pia showers him with love and attention, and balances it with discipline every time he's being naughty. But I tell you, one sweet "soreee" from Luis can melt the heart of the sternest disciplinarian.

And so I went home so full of hope about the future. I used to have this fear about raising a family and all the hardships it supposedly entails. I realize now more than ever that having kids can be a wonderful experience. It will certainly be a challenging one, but I am sure it will bring with it great rewards. Thank you, Ptr. Michael & Ate Pia! Thanks, Luis!

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him." -Ps. 127:3

Photo: A Samar Sunset Taken Atop a 6X6 Military Truck (10-05-05)

Thoughts: Papa's Flowers

As I was enjoying a good book early this evening, I heard a soft knock on my door. It was my father with his regular delivery of flowers--just for me. Every night, as long as the sampaguitas are in bloom, my father picks flowers from our garden. Then, he heads directly for my room, located at the farthest end of the corridor. As I open the door, he draws them carefully out of his back pocket and gently hands them to me. It is a ritual I quietly and deeply appreciate.

Growing up, I don't remember ever receiving a single birthday gift from my father. In our family, gift-giving is a duty relegated to my mom. That's why this gesture, which started two years ago, is especially meaningful to me. You always hear this cliche that father knows best. In this case, I find it to be true. As much as I appreciate material things, nothing makes me happier than receiving a bunch of flowers. And no gift in the world, not even a diamond ring or a Canon EOS, can mean more to me than my father's daily picking of sampaguitas.

Photo: What Dreams May Come by Agay Llanera (7-8-05)

Thoughts: Heart of the Matter

C.S. Lewis presents a very compelling reason to thaw a heart in deep freeze:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. . .

The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell."

--The Four Loves

How's your heart been lately?

Photo: Wish you were there . . .

Coco Beach Island Resort, Puerto Galera

Photo: Guess where you'll find me on my birthday. . .

Thoughts: 31 Flavors & Then Some. . .

Birthdays and blogs have the same effect on people. They entitle you to a little introspection and self-indulgence without the guilt. On the occasion of my 31st year on earth, I’ve come up with 31 facts to make you know/like/love/hate me even more. This entry is meant to be read from the bottom going up. Before you read the first factoid at the bottom, though, I hope you’ll take time to write down your birthday wish for me at the comments section above or below. Indulge me!

31- The nicest comment I heard about turning 31: “You are now a Proverbs 31 woman!” I will make that my goal this year, Riz, Mylene, Perps & Cherry!

She is strong and graceful, as well as cheerful about the future. Her words are sensible, and her advice is thoughtful. Charm can be deceiving and beauty fades away,but a woman who honors the Lord deserves to be praised. --Proverbs 31: 25 & 30 (CIV)


Photo: Feeling super at 30!

30- The sweetest compliment I got at 30: “Brad Pitt doesn’t deserve you.” The most comforting statement I received: “When I met you last year, I thought you were 24.” The most endearing: “When I am sad, I think of Jenny. And then I can smile.” Thank you, Michael, Chris & Paul! And I believed them!

29- I have been to 33 countries around the world by the time I was 29, because of work and family travels. I noticed since my early twenties that every year the number of countries I have been to always exceeds my age. I can opt not to travel for the next 2-3 years, because I have been to 34 countries to date. At 29, I did my first on-camera work for Inquirer TV and was offered a job as a reporter for the Asian region by another company. Negotiations didn’t pan out the way I wanted to, though, so my career as a TV reporter will have to wait.

Photo: So showbiz with Boy A. and Alfred Vargas!

28-I gave up eating pork at 28 after reading a book written by Dr. Don Colbert entitled “What Would Jesus Eat?” It’s not against my beliefs to eat pork but I feel so much healthier and lighter after removing it from my diet. I have to admit, though, that I still occasionally indulge in sisig, hotdog, and chicharon. I am not adventurous when it comes to food but I have tasted ostrich, crocodile, deer, antelope, and lately by accident, carabao meat.

Photo: Me with Myles & Teri of 1Cubed!

27- I didn’t believe in love at first sight until it happened to me at 27. One magical April day, I thought I’d met the man I was going to marry. Sadly, the person pursued someone else. But that did little to change the hopelessly hopeful romantic in me. It was also at 27 that I first wrote, directed and edited an entire TV show--the MTV show One Cubed. How’s that to make up for a broken heart? Thank you, Erwin!

26-I didn’t discover my blood type until I went to cover a medical mission in Negros. I was doing the rounds with then vice-mayor Rio Diaz-Cojuangco, when she took my hand, and had a nurse prick my index finger when I wasn’t looking. It hurt a lot! But since Rio was holding my hand, I couldn’t complain. That’s when I learned that my blood type is B+.

It was also in that medical mission that I witnessed my first miracle—that of an old woman regaining clear vision after receiving Jesus Christ into her life. I took her back to the optometrist who had pronounced earlier that the woman needed surgery to remove her cataracts. The eye doctor was as amazed as I was.

25- Jenny and a gun are a lethal combination. That’s what my boss John and cameraman Roland found out when they took me to a shooting range when I was 25. I always hit target dummies on the heart. Because of my romance with the camera, I have developed a steady hand, said the coach of the Ateneo Rifle & Pistol Team back in college. I can be a sharp shooter if I want to, but I’d rather take sharp pictures. At 25, I was offered to write a book, which I graciously turned down, because I didn’t believe in the topic.

Photo: Me with CBN Asia staff & crew!

24- I directed my first dramatized testimony of a former satanist at 24, under the supervision of executive producer Maricel Endriga (Thanks, Ma‘am! You're the best mentor one can have!). Since then, I noticed that most of the stories I get assigned to do for television almost always involve action scenes. Some of the most memorable ones are that of a kidnap victim, an albularyo who raised the dead, and a soldier who miraculously escaped an ambush when a bundle of paper in his backpack caught 2 bullets that were supposed to pierce his heart. I am so honored to have worked with the best production people in the industry (Hello, Alts, Cris, Erwin, Mang Boy, Aisan, Kate, Volta, Manny, Nena, Alice and Derrick!) especially cameramen Rey Ilagan and Roland Arana, who helped make my visions come true. We once overturned a car, made a 6-footer jump over a Honda Civic, had a Sto. Nino figurine dance and choreographed with live pyrotechnics a battle scene involving a battalion of soldiers in the mountains of Bataan.

I was floored when director Jeric Soriano, one of my idols in the industry, specifically called for me after watching the TV segment I did on him. “It was wonderful! Thank you very much, Ma’am” he said. He then took my hand and bowed for me.

23-I received my first marriage proposal a few months before turning 23, when an Egyptian offered 5,000 camels in exchange for my hand in marriage.

Photo: Traveling the globe!

22- At 22, I held my first 16 MM camera during director Yam Laranas’s Cinematography class. It was one of the biggest highs of my life. I didn’t get to sleep the whole night. I got an A in that class. I owe you one, Direk Yam!

21-I spent my 21st birthday locked inside my room. My personality profile indicates that I am sanguine-melancholic. Sanguines are people persons, the outgoing type, while melancholics are brooding loners, very artistic and intuitive. In other words, I am a walking contradiction. I guess I was leaning towards my melancholic side when I turned 21, but I am more of a sanguine nowadays.

20-I once got drunk after sipping a friend’s chocolate drink. Yeah, it was laced with kalua, but it was still just a sip! I also remember getting tipsy after tasting champagne at the Rustan’s Supermarket (at noon!), and at a wine cellar in Hungary while dining with my mom, sister and cousin. When I am drunk I tend to giggle and talk a lot, which is how I also am when sober. The only difference is that my face turns so red, like it was rubbed raw. It’s scary. I don’t like alcohol, by the way. I also shun iced tea and coffee most of the time, because taking them after lunch makes me stay up till 4 in the morning.

Photo: Queen of China!

19- My first published work was not in English or Filipino, but in Chinese. My high school Chinese teacher submitted my poem to a local newspaper. My uncle was so proud to find my name in the Chinese Daily. What he doesn’t know until now is that the poem is a direct translation of a Filipino love song—Randy Santiago’s “Hindi Magbabago.” Translation isn’t synonymous to plagiarism, is it? I’ve since repented of it.

18- I celebrated my debut, not on July 8 but on Aug. 23, because that was the only date available at the Manila Hotel. I was disappointed when my long-time crush called to tell me that he couldn’t come to the party, but I had fun nevertheless. It was the first time I had danced with all the male members of my big, extended clan (and for my paternal grandpa, also the last). My birthday cake almost burnt up when the candles ignited the paper décor. Four members of my cotillion, by the way, ended up marrying each other.

17- Prior to entering Ateneo, I had always thought I was going to study in La Salle. In fact, during the Ateneo Entrance Test (Nov. 17, 1990), I asked my friend to snap a picture of me in front of the Ateneo High School, saying that I won’t be setting foot on that campus again. I am glad that personal prophecy didn’t come true, because I fell in love with Ateneo’s vision of producing “men and women for others.” Even while filling up the application form, I had wanted to go to Ateneo but I never thought I would be able to meet the academic standard. I remember jumping up and down when I received the acceptance letter on Feb 23, 1991. By the grace of God, I even ended up several times on the dean’s list.

16-I received my first camera at 8--a Hello Kitty camera that my mother bought at Gift Gate. I brought a camera to school every day since 6th grade. I taught myself how to operate an SLR camera by reading books. I took my first photography workshop under Vic Valenciano, the humble dad of Gary V., when I was 16. That was also the year I participated in my first photo exhibit.

Photo: Ready, camera, action!

15-Although I’d rather work behind the cameras now, I was once hailed “The Actress” during my high school years. When asked to do oral reports, I would do monologues and short skits to keep my classmates’ attention. I even posed as Star War’s C3PO for a science report. My 4th year homeroom teacher Mrs. Quiambao actually believed I have what it takes to make it to the cast of Miss Saigon. Mrs. Quiambao has a big heart and, I suppose, a very active imagination. Haha!

14-Even though I don’t particularly like Math (I have nightmares involving math exams till now!), I perfected my quizzes and exams in freshman algebra and got a 100% score on my report card twice. I also got 100% on another subject that year, promoting me to the honors section.

13-I had my directorial debut in freshman year when my homeroom teacher asked me to head a speech chorale. My class won third place.The “baddest” thing I ever did in freshman year was to hit an annoying classmate with a blackboard eraser! I was writing on the board when he dusted the eraser in front of my face, making cough. He didn’t stop when I asked him to, so I did the basest thing a 13-year-old girl could do. I threw the eraser at him. He got hit in the head—hard! And when I looked, his face and head were covered with chalk dust! Bull’s eye! It was like a scene from the Three Stooges. He got a ribbing from all the boys in my class and I got his respect from that day on.

Photo: Me as cover girl!

12-When I am extremely sad or happy, I run. A coach recruited me to the track team when I was 12, after seeing me run during P.E. Sadly, I injured myself during my first track meet at the Rizal Stadium, because they didn’t give me spiked shoes. I didn’t run on a track again until my college days.

11-I was very studious as a child and loved cramming my summers with activities. One of my favorite activities during summer was taking reading classes at Reading Dynamics. That and improving my penmanship. I also studied advance Math, English and Computers on my own. One summer I enrolled in art, swimming, math, and speech classes, to the consternation of my mom who complained that her eldest daughter’s itinerary was fuller than that of the Philippine president’s.

10- My second childhood dream was to sing professionally! I bravely auditioned for a slot in the school chorale when I was 9 years old. That was my first time to sing on stage. They let me sing the national anthem. Although I couldn’t make out some of the words, I passed the audition, but my parents didn’t let me join. I made up for it by joining a church choir at 11, the Ateneo Glee Club at 20 and the Victory Christian Fellowship music team at 27.

9-I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior at 9. An aunt told me the story of Jesus during one of my visits to her house that summer. It was the most logically thing in the world to invite God into my life, because as a child I instinctively knew He existed. God has been answering every prayer I make ever since. The first Bible study I attended was about the end times. I remember having theological debates with my grade 3 tutor, who was trying to convince me that Buddha also resurrected from the dead.

8-Natuto akong magbasa dahil sa komiks. Paborito ko ang Funny Komiks, Wakasan, Aliwan at Lovelife. My first A paper in Ateneo was about the history and influence of the Pinoy comic book.

7-My first childhood dream is to play the piano. My mother gave me a small wooden piano when I was 3. She bought me a real one when I was 5, because I wouldn’t stop pestering her. I took my first lesson at 11 and that lasted for 8 years. Yet, up to this day, it remains one of my biggest frustrations. I told God that one of the greatest ways He can show His miracle-working power in my life is by giving me this ability. A few weeks after, I actually received a prophecy that I am going to be an excellent pianist, so I am keeping my fingers on the keyboard.


Photo: Mini-me!

6-Contrary to what psychologists say, not all children have childhood amnesia. I can still recount conversations and events dating back to when I was two or three years old. This makes me very careful when dealing with children, painfully aware of the stresses a child goes through when mercilessly teased, tickled and bullied by the adults in her life.

5- As a child, I enjoyed playing with remote controlled cars, walkie-talkies and guns more than Barbie dolls, because I grew up with male cousins, who taught me how to swim, play basketball (I even had a Crispa jersey!), ride bicycles, climb trees, and catch beetles & dragonflies. I also received a lot of high-tech toys—a speaking typewriter, a pinball machine and plenty of Game&Watch gadgets. No wonder I am attracted to high-tech gizmos even now.

4-I was given a Chinese name by my parents upon entering nursery. My Chinese name is a derivative of Jenny (sounds like it, too). It means “real lady.” As much as I love the meanings of my name, I am even prouder of my initials JC, the initials of my Messiah. My middle initial Y, stands for “Yeshua,” the Hebrew name of Jesus Christ. I feel branded, marked and sealed by God through and through.

3- I am 100% Chinese, but being born and raised in the Philippines, my first language was Filipino. As a child, I thought I was Filipino, even though my parents talked to me in Chinese. Blame it on my yaya and the television.

2- My name Jennifer means “fair spirit,” which may partly explain the complexion I have. My nickname Jenny, I learned a few years ago from the World Book Encyclopedia, means “gracious gift of God.” This is what I strive to be.

1-My birthday is on July 8, 1974. I was born on the Monday Ms. Universe ‘74 Amparo Munoz held a motorcade in Manila. My mother said they had a hard time going to the hospital because of the traffic Amparo created. I praise God my parents didn’t name me Amparo Yap Caspe! No offense to all the Amparos out there.

Thoughts: Smiling with Teeth!

Photo: The Mirror Has Two Faces
by Gina Yap (6-26-05)

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."--Psalm 139:13-14

Late last year, a friend embarked on a personal crusade, the "Make-Jenny-Smile-With-Teeth" Project. This he decided upon after noticing that I didn't like showing my teeth when I'd smile for the camera. Growing up, I never liked the way my teeth looked. Braces did help straighten out that problem but subconsciously I was still stuck in that pre-braces image of me and my smile. That's why I don't grin when being photographed.

When Mega Magazine gave me a make-over for my 27th birthday 4 years ago, fashion editor Vicky Tensuan also egged me to show my teeth during the photoshoot. I obliged for the first few shots, but told her immediately that I was not comfortable smiling with teeth. The photographer agreed with me and they ended up publishing a picture of me smiling without the teeth. That all the more validated my no-toothy-grin policy.

The smart guy that he is, what my friend did was to take candid shots of me when I am at my happiest and wackiest. And viola! He came up with photos of Jenny smiling with teeth. When he emailed me all the pictures some months ago, I didn't even dare look. I told him that this is one project he will surely fail at.

After seeing our Boracay pictures, though, I think I am beginning to see the light. (We were all grinning like crazy and looking oh-so-radiant while enjoying the splendor of the place.) I am learning to smile with teeth and liking the way I look.

I realize now that there is more to the project than just teaching me how to smile with teeth, my friend was actually trying to teach me to accept and love myself more. Thank God for friends like that! Here's smiling back at you with teeth, Carl!

Photo: Send in the clowns. . .Singapore (5-18-05)

Article: The Bridegroom

"Mabuti pa ang Roma may bagong Papa, AKO WALA!!! (Rome has just gotten a new pope, but why on earth am I still single?)” screamed my gorgeous and gregarious friend Noreen. I chuckled at the amusing way she phrased her lament, but I must admit that her candor got me to thinking, “Yeah, why are we still unattached at this age?” When I was in my teens, I told myself that I would get married at 29, late by other people’s standards, because I want to be able to pursue my dreams before settling down. Well, I am turning 31 in a few weeks and I am still as single as ever. I’ve been around the world and back, pursued my goals until I outran and eventually outgrew many of them, but I am still alone.

Like Noreen, I long to be part of a couple. But that has obviously not happened yet. And there’s no telling when it will happen. Most of time, I am okay with it. Thanks to God, my family and, of course, my fantastic friends. Yet, there are moments when I wish I can just buy me and my single gal pals our husbands of choice from the nearest Sari-sari store. If only life were that simple. And if only I were that rich.


I started praying for my future mate at the age of 12. Two years later, I kidded God, “Don’t tell me you’re going to have me wait for 10 years.” This, if you care to know, is my 19th year of waiting and praying. I am glad God keeps the secret things to Himself. Getting a little exasperated, I told Him in 2001, “God, I have been waiting for 16 years.” Not really expecting an answer, I heard God whisper in my spirit, “I have been waiting since the beginning of time!” That stopped me from grumbling. I realized that God had just unveiled before me a spiritual truth. He was revealing to me the deep cry of His heart.

Photo: Dream Gown (02-23-05)

It is interesting to note that the Bible begins and ends with a wedding. It starts with Adam and Eve’s garden wedding in Eden and climaxes with the wedding feast of the Lamb in heaven. Author and prophet Derek Prince also pointed out in one of his books that Jesus’ first ever recorded miracle was performed at a wedding—the wedding in Cana where He turned water into wine. All this tells me that I serve a loving and passionate God—a God who authored romance. And He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with His single children (this writer included!) who dream of one day getting hitched to the right man or woman.


After all, the story of creation is a love story—the story of a God who longed so much to love that He created a whole world of people to whom He could shower His affections. When His world erred, He devised a way to woo her back, in the most chivalrous way He could think of—by leaving the glory of heaven behind, taking the form of a man through Jesus Christ, dying a most gruesome and degrading death on the cross and rising from the dead just so He could take her to Himself. The Bible, in fact, calls us His church, the bride of Christ. Even now, He is at work, trying to get our attention and patiently pursuing us so that we could start a love relationship with Him.

Yes, Jesus has been waiting since the beginning of time for His bride. When it hit me what this meant to God, I told Him that I would commit my life to making His bride ready for Him, a pure and radiant bride that would be deserving of His love. And in this journey, I feel so fortunate to have met men and women who share the same passion. I am especially touched to have met some valiant women who left everything to serve the Bridegroom.

In China, I met Cece. At 23, Cece was living the American Dream. Promoted as manager of a thriving tourist company in Las Vegas, she enjoyed the perks that came along with title—a new car, a luxurious apartment, a fancy office. Then, late one night, she had a dream. “I dreamt of three Chinese kids. They were poor and very dirty and had little clothes and they were crying,” says the soft-spoken Cece, “Although I put their images at the back of my mind, I couldn’t forget them.” At that time, she did not know anything about Asia or the Chinese culture and “didn’t even like eating rice.”

After that epiphany, the career and the perks just didn’t satisfy Cece anymore. She left everything behind and relocated in Beijing, where she met street children who looked very much like the three kids in her dream. Cece single-handedly took care of 35 children in her small home. She had had to deal not just with culture shock, child care duties and disciplinary problems, she also had to play cat-and-mouse with syndicates who used to manipulate these children. Thankfully, the Chinese government intervened. Cece is now managing Wisdom Springs Technical School in the outskirts of Beijing. Her school houses 40 children who are learning about the love of Jesus, while taking English, Math and Computer lessons.

In Camarines Sur, I met Lalaine. At 21, the diminuitive Lalaine started serving the Bridegroom by establishing churches in the remotest areas of Bicol. This she did with another female team partner, until that person went ahead with her life and got married. Undaunted, Lalaine pursued her mission alone, often times taking 3-to-5-hour mountain treks just to reach her wards, sometimes crying all the way. When she reached a town, she would befriend the natives, counsel them, tell them about the of love God and even teach them some practical skills.

When the desires of her heart conflicted with her vocation, she didn’t have a hard time choosing. Two years ago, Lalaine gave up a relationship because the person she was engaged to didn’t share the same vision. At 32, it seemed to be the most absurd choice at that time, considering it might be her last chance of getting married. It was a very painful decision but she found solace in God and in the church. Today there’s no telling how many lives Lalaine has touched because she stuck with that decision. The last time we talked she was teaching values to the local police, was mentoring around 120 soldiers from the army, and ministering to the needs of at least two whole baranggays, which also includes members of the NPA, by the way.

And oh, I am very happy to tell you that 34-year-old Lalaine is getting married this year! God sent Mr. Right a few months after she broke up with her ex-fiancé. Thirty-five-year-old Cece, on the other hand, is happily single in the company of her 40 adopted children, plus Mocha, Butterscotch, and Cream—her Siamese cats. The lives of these two great women speak to me about the limitless power of God, made available to those who are completely yielded to Him.

And so, even as we make the most of our every waking moment, Jesus and I wait on—He for His Bride and I for my future groom. Who knows what will happen next? For now, I rest in the thought that God knows how I feel. Yes, there is a point to all this waiting. If God has been this patient, I’m sure I can be, too. Cheer up, Noreen!

Under the sea in Boracay! Photo by Danny of Viking Divers

Thoughts: B-day Countdown

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."--1 Cor. 2:9

I'll let you in on a secret. . .Two weeks and three days before my 31st birthday. . . Decided to have a quiet get-away with some close friends. . . Realized that what I really, really want is a surprise birthday party--the whole works!!! But will be too devastated if nobody cares to surprise me. . . so I am kinda just arranging something for myself. . . . Is this good or bad?

You tell me. . .

I'm just glad God loves surprises, too. Lord, I am ever awaiting the day!

Look at Lolo James now!

Photo: Boracay Babe (5-11-05) taken by Carl Decloedt

Photo: Mt. Pinatubo (5-6-03)  

Thoughts: Spring in My Mind

Beijing in Full Bloom (4-05-05)


There's something about spring
that gives you this sense of anticipation that--

Something's Comin'

Could be! Who knows?
There's something due any day
I will know, right away
Soon as it shows
It may come connanballing down
Through the sky
Gleam in its eye, bright as rose

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach
Down the block, on a beach
Under a tree
I got a feeling there's a miracle due
Gonna come true, comin' to me...

Could it be, yes, it could
Something's comin', something good
If I can wait!
Something's comin',
I don't know what it is
But it is gonna be great!

With a click, with a shock,
Phone'll jingle, door will knock,
Open the latch!

Something's comin',
Don't know when
But it's soon
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!

Around the corner,
Or whistlin' down the river
Come on, deliver to me!

Will it be? Yes, it will!
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!
Come on, something,
Come on in,
Don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming
And something great is coming!

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight...Maybe tonight...Maybe tonight...!

-From "The West Side Story"

Photo: Coming home to the 700 Club Asia set with hosts Peter Kairuz & Dulce. The 700 Club Asia airs every Tuesday & Wednesday midnight on ABS-CBN, with replays on Sunday at 8 in the morning on Studio 23. (3-29-05)

Article: Toilet Humor

Last night I was laughing my head off as I recalled this incident that happened a few months ago. . .

My friend invited me to her speaking engagement to be held at the house of a prominent Chinese businessman. I really didn’t know anybody there. And worse, I came in late because I got lost looking for the house in this swanky Makati subdivision. After the talk, I headed to the nearest comfort room and saw that there were two separate toilets for male and female guests, like in the malls. As I was closing the door to the Ladies’s CR, I saw an old lady peeking at the Men’s CR. Concerned, I pointed her to the right door and in my best Chinese told her that this was where she‘s supposed to go. Then, it was time to leave. Before I got out of the meeting, my friend the speaker caught me and introduced me to our hosts. Yikes! It turned out that the old lady was the owner of the house!

I don’t know which is more embarrassing that, or this other toilet incident that happened to me 6 years ago. . .

After one too many glasses of iced tea in a Chinese Restaurant, I got up the dinner table to head for the comfort room. Since it was my first time to eat in this resto, it took a while for me to find it. When I finally got there, I was surprised to find two urinals beside the cubicles. “A unisex CR. How progressive!” I exclaimed. I remembered using a “gender-less” toilet once in France.

After using one of the cubicles, I opened the door to find two men inside the room! They both eyed me suspiciously. I thought: “Hmmp! Must be their first time to use a ‘free-for-all’ toilet.” Feeling smug and sophisticated, I ignored them and went in front of the mirror to check my hair. Then, I walked out and saw that the Ladies room was at end of the hall. Inisip siguro nila: "Ang gandang bakla naman nun!"

Thoughts: Alive!

Photo: Manila Bay Sun (3-24-05)

Have you ever pinned your hopes on something only to watch it die? Have you ever felt the pain of losing a dream, something you’ve wanted so badly that every fiber of your being ached for it, only to have it disappear from your very grasp?

I have. And I am sure some time in your life, you have experienced it, too. A loss too personal, too painful to even articulate. It may be the death of a relationship, a life-long ambition, or a deeply-cherished vision.

As I sit here at my desk this Easter morning, I am taken back to the day my dream had died. All I could do then was to lay my broken heart down at the foot of the cross. And as I stood there grieving, God gently reminded me of the story of Mary Magdalene and her encounter with Jesus that first Easter morn.

Seeing an empty tomb, the disciples decided to go back home, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other a the foot.

They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

“Woman,” he said, “why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking, he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned around toward him and cried out Aramiac, “Teacher!” (John 20:10-16)

I have read this passage many times in the Bible since then, but it never fails to enthrall me still. Mary had lost all hope. All her dreams had died along with her Messiah. In her grief, she did not even comprehend she had just talked to angels. But God was not finished with her yet. A few heartbeats later, He unfolded to Mary the biggest surprise of them all—Jesus! Alive!

I imagine that that one look, that one word took away all the pain and grief that Mary had bore. And in that instant, all her hopes for the future, all the unspoken prayers of her heart, all the dreams she had long cherished within her were made alive again.

Jesus is alive! Can you comprehend all that this implies? He was made alive for you, for me, so that we can hope hopes and dream dreams again. Hopes and dreams that will never die or be taken away. Hopes and dreams that He will one day lovingly fulfill, if only we believe.

This is what Easter means to me. And this, I believe, is also His message for you today.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

Photo: Shanghai Night (4-17-04)

Article: Huey & Me

The first time I ever laid my eyes on him in that huge showroom, I knew he was the one for me. Huey and I go a long way back. In fact, we’re celebrating our 8th anniversary this July. It was indeed love at first sight for me--or more accurately-- love at first drive.

Huey is my first car—a Suzuki Vitara that was given to me as a gift in 1997. Like all the great loves of our lives, I had to wait a long time for him. I’d long wanted to have a car since college, but I didn’t pester my parents about it. The moment I got my first job though, they decided it was time that I got one.

Sometimes we don’t know what is best for us, so we settle for what we think is good enough. But God has a way of surprising us with gifts that are always beyond what we can hope for ourselves. I call Huey my GPC--not just God’s perfect choice, but God’s perfect car. He was all I ever dreamed of in an SUV --and more!


Photo: Huey in Ortigas Traffic with Lezyl & Me (2-23-05)

Before the trip to the showroom, I told my mom that I wanted a 2-door Feroza, but she insisted on a 4-door Vitara, which she heard was sturdier. I told her a wanted a manual, but she insisted on an automatic, saying it would be more convenient for long driving, since we live in the boondocks. I wanted a black one, but she insisted on a lighter color. We settled on the color green. And what do you know? The only one available at the showroom was a dark green Vitara, exactly what I’d been dreaming about. And so I felt like I’d collided with my destiny that July afternoon. He was the perfect gift for my 22nd birthday.

Since his plate read UUE, I christened him Huey. Huey is one handsome car. There were nights I’d sneak into our garage just to admire his sleek jade green finish. (Who ever said only guys know how to appreciate their cars?) The dark tint of his power windows added to his rugged appeal. They not only enhanced his looks, they also kept me safe when I would drive home late from work. Another thing I most appreciate about this car--aside from it being a 4-wheel drive, saving me time and again from sticky driving situations—-is the alarm system which sounds off every time I leave the lights on after going down the car. Can you imagine running out of batteries in the middle of nowhere just because you left the lights running? God must know how absent-minded I can get so He made sure I get a car with this feature.


Photo: Huey in Tagaytay with Lala, Cookie, Chris & Me (1-7-05)

Yes, Huey is perfect, except for one thing—the spare tire out back didn’t have a cover. The car dealer didn’t give us anything, not even a cheap plastic cover. For months, I was very affected by this. I even thought of buying an aluminum tire container, but decided against it since it would set me back 15 grand. A few months later, after a photo shoot in Malacañang, I discovered why Huey was born with a naked spare tire.

“Cruunncchh. . .” said the White Lancer at the rear as I was backing my car. Oh no! I had just bumped into a new car --and at the Malacañang Palace at that. Panicking, I jumped out to view the damage. Surprise! Surprise! The white Lancer didn’t even suffer a scratch. All because of–you guess it—the naked spare tire which cushioned the blow!

As I was giving Huey a bath under the afternoon sun the other day, I got reminded of all the wonderful memories we’ve had over the years. He went with me to all my interviews as a writer for Lifeline Magazine. Even to that wacky photo shoot at the Mental Hospital. He carried the camera and lights for my first TV shoot for the 700 Club, where we braved a crowded Tondo market for a story on Indians. He waited for me until 3 AM when I interviewed a tired and injured yet accommodating Gary V. after his 16th anniversary concert. And Huey was also right behind me when we staged a car accident in a street in Paco until 4 in the morning for my last feature story for television.


Photo: Huey after his bath (3-14-05)

Huey is my patient companion when I get lost in the side streets of Metro Manila, sometimes picking up strange but friendly characters to help me find directions. He knows that although I would sometimes charm my way out of a ticket, I would never-ever bribe an MMDA officer.

Most of all, Huey is a silent witness to my long talks with God as I head off to yet another destination. He is privy to all our secret conversations. My car is the one place I feel safe to laugh, cry, sing and shout to God-—sometimes all at the same time. And it is also the one place where I most often hear God speak--and even sing to me. Sometimes I think the reason why I live so far away from everything is so that I could have those intimate talks with God. And Huey helps create the atmosphere for us.

As I was driving my father to work this afternoon, he asked if I’d be willing to sell Huey and get a new car. I wasn’t even for a second tempted to buy a new car. No way! How can you replace someone with whom you’ve had so much history?

I know one day I would have to retire Huey from our road trips, but I am praying that before that happens God will allow me to take one final trip with him—a trip that I’ve been dreaming about for 19 years now. One day I know it’ll come true. For now, I’ll make sure he is in tip-top condition for that special journey that we’ll take together.

--Written March 17, 2005

Photo: My First Radioactive Bibingka Experiment (10-23-04)

Thoughts: Like My Turtles

I took home my new pets this afternoon—a pair of baby turtles named Lemon and Lime. I got my first pair of green turtles in 2001. I called them Nathan and Roselle, in honor of my valedictorian friends from UP and Ateneo.

It’s a joy watching them turtles. Sometimes I even envy them, for they speak to me of God’s magnificence just by being. I mean, I wish I could say that about me. I wish people can see God in me even if I don’t open my mouth or do anything spectacular. I met a person like that once and I don’t think I have fully recovered from that encounter.

One time I brought my pet amphibians to work. I was then with a company that understood eccentricities like mine. “Huwag ka maalaga ng pagong, babagal ang buhay mo (These turtles will make your life slow),” an officemate warned. I brushed his unwanted comment aside and branded it superstition. But many months later, I discovered that the pace of my life had indeed slowed down.

I resigned from my job to look for more opportunities to spread my wings, but I found myself stuck in a tight spot, and strangely enough, not even really wanting to budge. And like my turtles, I have become content spending my days lazing around in the comfy confines of my house. Sometimes I wonder if the drive to go back to the rat race will ever return. Perhaps I’m not meant to be a harassed rat but a happy turtle.


Photo: Lemon & Lime (3-17-05)

Paula White said that God sometimes shuts doors to give us time to rest, replenish our strength, and restore our passion in preparation for greater things. I want to believe that this is what this break is for. In the months that I’ve spent at home, I did learn a few things about myself. As a workaholic, I’d subconsciously equated my significance with how much I’d achieved, but God showed me that my worth is far more than my accomplishments and what I do for a living. My identity is ultimately rooted in my relationship with Him.

Second, I learned that I don’t need to be in church or to serve in a ministry to worship God. I can give glory to Him even while doing the most mundane of chores, like cleaning my aquarium and baking bibingka. I just have to do these chores with Him in mind. Third, I learned that God’s grace is sufficient for every season of our lives. I’d always thought I’d go crazy if I stayed home for more than 2 weeks. Well, it’s been more than 62 weeks and this entry is testament to the fact that I am still sane. I am still coherent, am I not?

Because of this self-imposed confinement, I finally found the time to organize my closets, arrange 4-years worth of pictures, attend prayer meetings, take up writing essays again, have 5-day slumber parties with friends, bond with the family, experiment with baking, and travel at whim. Best of all, I shed close to 10 pounds without spending a single hour in the gym! It’s been a fun-filled one-and-a-half-year vacation, all paid for by my Heavenly Father.

I know it’s going to end soon. I just hope I get my wish of becoming more like my turtles at the end of this.

Photo: New Leaf (3-14-05)

Thoughts: Happeee!!!

My new email pal sent me this interesting information the other day: The World Survey Values ranked the Philippines as top among Asia and 6th in the list of the happiest nations in the world. Being in the military service, he asked an American colleague who participated in the Balikatan what was so special about the Philippines. "Filipinos always have a smiling face in spite of whatever calamity or problems they face," said the US pilot. It is, to him, what makes our country worth coming back to.

It’s not the first time that I’ve heard a comment like this from a foreign observer. It seems like when God created the Philippines, He especially imbued its people with an extra dose of hope and optimism. And I think it is this sense of hope (and our own brand of humor) that will help us overcome the challenges that lie ahead for our nation.

Some nights ago, I was chatting with a friend on the net, and I noticed all I ever said to him in that 2-hour-long conversation was: "I am sooo haaappeeee!!! Ang galing talaga ni God (God is so great)!!!" My friends tell me that I say these two sentences so often, I should have them patented. From the outside looking in, everything may seem to be coming up roses for me. But if you really, really knew me, you would know that I have been going through some pretty tough challenges—things too complicated to mention in this blog. Frustration, disappointment, rejection, heart ache, betrayal. . . .Name it. I’ve experienced it on all fronts—over & over.

A close friend’s comment sums it up pretty well: "Parang kinakaladkad mo ang sarili mo sa bubog. (It looks to me like you are dragging yourself through a carpet of glass shards)" My prayer partner and college friend who pretty much know the details of the trials that I have been facing over the past few years tell me that my life reads like a soap opera and they can’t wait to hear what’s going to happen in the next chapter. Ok, let’s me see, I’m now in episode 47.

There were times when I kidded God, "Lord, when will this long-winding telenobela (soap opera) have a happy ending?" One day it struck me that God may just be giving me some material for that grand manuscript that I’ve been meaning to write.

So why I do profess to be so happy still? Let me tell you that I am not a naturally happy person. I even had depressive tendencies when I was younger. I will also not tell you that it is because I’ve mastered my emotions and learned to think positively, because the happiness that I am enjoying right now is not something I’ve worked at. It is a natural outgrowth of my relationship with God.

I am happy because. . .

I know that God does not waste His trials on people. A lady sage once told me that I am like a diamond in the rough and that after God is done with me I will be revealing many of His facets to the world. Now for a diamond to shine bright, it has to undergo a rigorous process of being cut, shaped and polished. The process can be very painful, but the results are worth it. I’d like to believe that I will one day become an exquisite diamond, if I allow myself to submit to the process today.

I know that no matter what happens, I have a great future in God. A friend who is also undergoing a dark period in her own life told me, "I am tired of believing in God. He will have to prove Himself to me by answering my prayers, before I believe." Sad to say, this is a common misconception that people have. The world says, "to see is to believe." But God says, "to believe (Me) is to see." Without faith, the Bible says, it is impossible to receive any thing from God. I believe I have a great future, not because I already see it, but because I know that the God in whom I trust is loving, faithful and trustworthy. Since He already gave His very life for me, wouldn’t He also give me the best things in life at the proper time?

In all this, God has given me the choice to love and forgive. I am not perfect and the people around me are also not perfect. What a liberating thought! Really now! It is foolish to demand perfection from anyone, much less from one's self. When people hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I can choose either to love or hate, to be bitter or to forgive. I have experienced that healing comes when I choose to love as God loves, to forgive as He forgives, even when the people involved do not deserve it. At the same, I am also learning to apply that same love and forgiveness to myself. (Oh! How hard I can sometimes be on myself.)

I have learned not to base my happiness on other people or my circumstances. No man can ever make me completely happy. What a burden it is we put on another person! No wonder broken marriages and relationships abound! There is a void in my heart that no man, nor any earthly pleasure can ever satisfy. It is something only God can completely fill. The result of this in-filling is what the saints call joy. The great thing about joy is it is not dependent on circumstances. Everything may be going wrong in my life, but I can still be joyful because I know that in the end God will work things out for my good.

No matter what is going on in my life, I can choose to make other people’s lives better. When you are going through something painful, you realize what’s truly most important in life. For me, that is my being a blessing to other people. When I make this a priority in my life, God answers me in so many marvelous ways. Yesterday, I met up with my new friend S who will be leaving for India today. S has been depressed for 6 months and has for a long time been dependent on sleeping pills. Having had encountered the same problem in the past, I counseled her and prayed for her one night in my car. S’s father personally thanked me yesterday for helping her daughter, saying that I was "God-sent." I wanted to tell him that it'd his daughter who's a godsend because as I was counseling her, God also did some healing in my own heart and confirmed in me in so many ways what I am meant to become.

And so, I know I have every reason to be "happeee!!!" . . .

Talking about being Hapee. . .
"You must be very wealthy. How much do you think are you worth right now?" Boy Abunda asked Hapee Toothpaste owner Cecilio Pedro.

"I don’t evaluate myself according to the amount of money I make. I evaluate myself based on the service that I render to the community and the ministry that I do to the Lord. Because at the end of the day, that’s how I am going to be evaluated by my Creator," Pedro replied.

And that to me is another secret to being truly "happee!!!"

Photo: My Own Camel Ride to the Pyramids in Cairo, Egypt '97

Thoughts: My Present State of Mind

“I’m alive!” he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one night, with no fires and no moon. “When I’m eating, that’s all I think about. If I’m on a march, I just concentrate on marching. If I have to fight, it will just be a good day to die as any other. Because I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. You’ll see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we are living right now.” He still had a long way to go to reach the pyramids and someday this morning would just be a memory. But this was the present moment—the party the camel driver had mentioned-- and he wanted to live it as he did the lessons of the past and his dreams of the future.

– The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

Sometimes the longing for the comfort of yesterday and the yearning for the excitement of tomorrow drown out the possibilities of today. To revel in the present moment--this is something I'm trying hard to master these days.
--Jennifer Yap Caspe, Feb. 23, 2005

Photo: Sonya's Flowers (2-15-05)

Thoughts: Neverland!

This afternoon I updated my online resume and got reminded that I am exactly 30 years 7 months and 8 days old today. While wondering where the time had gone, I realized that although we age, a part of us never really grows old. How else can you explain the following phenomena?


At 30, I never thought I would . . .

. . .still have this desire to run wild at a playground and swing and see-saw as high as I can
. . .still have the same glee in eating ice cream, lollipop, cotton candy and chocnut as when I was 8 or 9
. . .still be able to relate to the cartoon characters in Nickelodeon, which I tune in to during the wee hours of the night when sleep escapes me
. . .still get as much mental stimulation from talking to a 4-year-old child as from a 50-year-old erudite.
. . .still get the urge to run/sing/jump while laughing/crying my heart out whenever I feel happy, sad, lonely or just plain silly
. . .still find joy in coloring a jumbo coloring book
. . .still own a piggy bank
. . .still have the time to stare at my pet fish as he lazily swims in his pink aquarium
. . .still be awed at every sunset, sunrise, rainbow or full moon that I am privileged to witness
. . .still have the need to send my wishes and prayers on the tails of shooting stars
. . .still want to go back one more time to Disneyland before having my own kids
. . .still find it hard to stifle a smile when I am alone in a public place and a happy memory enters my mind
. . .still want to blow bubbles on a fine day
. . .still blush when an important person pays me a compliment
. . .still sing Disney tunes with much gusto and conviction
. . .still desperately seek the approval of my parents and want to make them proud of me
. . .still wish I’d become a 5 & UP reporter (Here’s to us, Agay!)
. . .still want to startle people by hiding at a dark corner and shouting, “Boo!”
. . .still get a rush while buying gifts and getting lost in a toy shop (Yey! Toy Kingdom!)
. . .still find Elmo and Cookie Monster so cute
. . .still buy a box of cereal to get the free toy (You can’t blame me. It’s an Incredibles memorabilia.)
. . .still actually own a Supergirl t-shirt and cape
. . .still look out for a firefly on a moonless night
. . .still wish someone would throw me a surprise birthday party
. . .still want to step on and tickle every wild mimosa that I find on the ground
. . .still be thrilled at getting my articles and pictures published
. . .still dream of making this world a little better through my life
. . .still believe that true love will find me at this day and age

I bet I’ll have the same realizations at 60. Here’s to growing up but never growing old. . . .

--by Jennifer Yap Caspe
Written Feb. 16, 2005, 9 PM

Photo: Tin-tin Bersola & me at the set of ABS-CBN's Home Boy (1-27-05)

Article: An ABSolute Miracle

Photo: Abs Bitter Herbs creator Grace Gupana

From fishball vending at the Quezon City Hall, ABS Bitter Herbs creator Grace Galindez-Gupana went on to establish a multi-million-peso herbal supplements company without the aid of a business or a medical degree. Grace started in business at the age of 18. Still out of a job a year after graduating from a course in secretarial management, the feisty lady took her 800-peso savings to buy art materials from the nearby palengke. She then proceeded to lock herself in her room and didn’t come out until she finished designing bundles of cards carrying Bible passages. These she sold to Christian bookstores, netting her P2,400 that month. Not bad for her first try at sales.

With no business background to fall back on, Grace relied on her faith in God and hard work to set up her own business. “Ako yung tao na kapag humingi ako kay Lord, ini-expect ko na kaagad. Sabi ni Lord, ‘Ask and it shall be given.’ Alam ko Lord, ibi-bless mo ako. So walang doubt. Ganun ako. Yun pala ganun ang attitude na gusto ni Lord (I‘m the type of person who when I ask something from God, I would expect an answer right away. The Lord said ask and it will be given. So, I said, ‘Lord, I know you are going to bless me.’ I don‘t doubt. And I discovered that that is the attitude the Lord wants),” shares the mother of four girls. “And the Bible also says whatever you plant, you harvest. Whatever you sow, you reap. Eh masipag kasi ako (I am very hardworking). So pag masipag ka (If you are hard-working), definitely you harvest.” Grace linked up with a company with a chain of bookstores nationwide to sell her cards. By the end of that year, she owned 2 bookstores and an arts and crafts factory, earning Grace her first million at 21.

When she married her husband Paul in 1987, life couldn’t be better for Grace. Her businesses had now expanded to include a flower shop and a restaurant. “It became easy for me to get rich. It was an easy 1 million, because we had many outlets. Kaya lang naging proud ako (But then, I became proud), because I did it my way. In an instant, I lost it all,” she admits. After giving birth to twins, she and her babies had to be confined in the hospital for many days, incurring bills amounting to 2 million pesos. In a matter of months, she was again down to her last 800 pesos. “Promotion and demotion come from God. Pero kahit na na-dedemote ako, nag-pre-pray ako (But even when I get demoted I continue praying),” she recalls. Humbled, she repented of her ways and learned to submit to her husband.

After that heartfelt prayer, she found herself in the market again, this time to buy ingredients for her fishball stand in front of the Quezon City Hall. “Alam naming hindi kami matatanggap sa trabaho, di magtinda ka na lang. (I knew I won’t be able to get a job so I decided to just sell.) Bakit fishball at sago‘t gulaman? Kasi yun ang madali eh (Why sell fishball and sago‘t gulaman? Because those are the easy ones to prepare),” she quips. Grace woke up as early as four at sell her wares. But her hard work paid off eventually. There were days when she would earn as much as P30,000 and sometimes even double that amount. The secret, she says, is prayer. “ Pinag-pepray ko tuwing umaga. Kapag pinag-prepray ko, ubos. Kapag hindi ko pinag-pray hindi nauubos, (I would pray for the fishballs everyday. When I pray, my fishballs get sold out, but not so when I forget to pray),” she says. She also treated her customers like royalty to keep them coming back. “Huwag ka tumingin sa itsura ng tao sa patitinda (You can‘t look down on the people you are selling to). Be fair to others,” That one stall at the QC City Hall multiplied into several stalls around Metro Manila.

To help other aspiring entrepreneurs, Grace conducted livelihood projects and seminars. She also founded Nego Pinoy Club, an organization of Filipino entrepreneurs. It was during a trip to the US in 1998 with this group that Grace met a Filipina with an American husband, who told her to look for 7 types of medicinal vegetables and herbs that can only be found in the Philippines. These herbs, the lady said, was very good for the health. At that time, Grace was incidentally praying for a new business. “Lord, sabi ko, nakakapagod naman itong fishball. Bigyan mo naman ako ng negosyo na mas madali (Lord, I prayed, selling fishballs is so tiring, please give me a business that is easier to manage),” she begged. When Grace came back, she did intensive research to discover for herself if these herbs were really beneficial to the body. In a matter of months, she came up with Active Bitter Supplements or ABS Bitter Herbs capsules.

“Na-realize ko bigay nga ito ni Lord, kasi pinakita sa akin yung mga capsules nagiging ginto (I realized that this business is from God because I saw in a vision that the capsules were turning into gold) Sabi ni Lord, ‘Anak, yang negosyo ko binigay ko sa ‘yo kasi pang- purga yan sa katawan, pang-linis ng tao’ (The Lord told me, ‘I gave you this business because it detoxifies the body and cleans the system‘),” she shares. Made up of lagundi, luyang-dilaw, ampalaya, malunggay, peppermint, andrographis paniculata and saluyot, ABS Bitter pills is said to be helpful in detoxifying the body of harmful toxins. It also enhances the immune system, improves blood sugar and supports digestion. “Ang tawag ko dito gulay in a capsule o Pinakbet in a capsule (I call these pills vegetables in capsule or Pinakbet in a capsule),” she jokingly shares. ABS, however, is best known in the market as a diabetic supplement. Endorsers Gary Valenciano, Juan Flavier and Mike Enriquez say it helps them control their insulin intake.

ABS Gen Herbs International Corporation, a 100% Filipino-owned herbal supplement company--which includes a seven-story building in Quezon City and 2 factories Taguig and Rizal--was established by Grace and Paul in 1999. Grace, however, takes no credit in the success of the company. “Nag-bebenta lang ako ng fishball, anong alam ko, di ba?( I was just a lowly fishball vendor. What do I know?)” she self-effacingly shares, “Kaya si Lord talaga ang may bigay ng business na ito. Sa lahat ng desisyon, kinukunsulta namin siya.(That‘s why I can say that God is the one who gave us this business. We consult him in all our decision.)” They must be doing the right thing, because in 2002 the company received a Rising Star Citation from the Golden Shell Awards. It is also the only Filipino herbal supplements company that has received a certification from NSF, a world leader in standards development, product certification, education and risk-management for public health and safety.

Despite the stiff competition, ABS Gen Herbs remains a strong contender in the market with an estimated sales of P20 million monthly. It exports 30% of its products to America and Europe through Diethelm, an international distribution company. The goal of the ABS Gen Herbs International, according to Marketing Manager Rads Saringan, is to be the leading herbal supplement company in the country within the next five years. This they plan to achieve not only through more aggressive sales strategies, but by also taking good care of the mental and spiritual well-being of their staff. For this to happen, Paul and Grace instituted Bible studies and prayer meetings as part of their weekly agenda. ABS Gen employees are also encouraged to read books and listen to teaching tapes to help them upgrade their skills.

Even with the success and accolades she has received, this down-to-earth lady entrepreneur continues to be tireless in her efforts to develop and promote Filipino herbal products to the world. “I really love what I am doing. I give it 110%. Kahit ampalaya lang yan (Even if it‘s just ampalaya), I give it my best. The measure you use will be measured back to you. Sabi ko, ‘Lord, itong produktong ito hindi lang pampamilya, pang-isports pa, pang-international pa,’ ka-dedeclare ko (I said, ‘Lord, this product is not just for the family, it‘s also for athletes and it will be known internationally.’ Because of this declaration), I was invited to a US exhibit and I also met golfer Dorothy Delasin who became my endorser. And so my product was able to penetrate the US market,” she shares. Aside from ABS Bitter Herbs, the company also carries ABS Herbal Tea, Circumax 5+ Ginseng, Charagen Forte Bitter Melon capsule and Charagen Bitter Melon.

“Tatlong bagay lang ang nasa likod ng tagumpay ng ABS Gen Herbs International. Unang-una, ang pananampalataya naming sa Diyos, ang aming relationship with Him. Then, the power of prayer and obedience. (There are only three things behind the success of ABS Gen Herbs International: our relationship with God, the power of prayer and obedience). Money will not make you strong. Position will not make you strong. Possession will not make you strong. Prayer will make you strong, so that’s the key. Claim God’s promises. Marami kasing tao dyan, binigyan na ni Lord, kinahihiya pa (There are a lot of people who when God gives them something, they become ashamed of it). Ako, hindi. Ako sabi ko yung produkto ko the best! (I’m not like that. I always say that my product is the best!) In my own right, it is the best,” ends Grace.

--Written for "Good Housekeeping Magazine," Jan. 29, 2005

Photo: Money! Money! Money!

Article: Woe, Budget!

How to Manage Your Everyday Expenses While Saving

Are you always short of cash? Do you feel you are not earning enough? Ever wish you could make more money? Finance-savvy couple Vic and Avelynn Garcia of Unleash International says amassing more money is not equivalent to attaining financial freedom. It’s all about knowing how to manage whatever resources you have.

The Garcias, who have trained hundreds of companies on financial management through their highly successful training company, know whereof they speak. Several years ago, the couple that both held executive-level positions at well-known companies found themselves steep in debt, owing seven credit card companies hundreds of thousands of pesos. After spending many sleepless nights worrying about their finances, they vowed to break the cycle of debt. Both deeply spiritual, Vic and Avelynn did a lot of soul-searching during this time. “We realized that we had mishandled the money entrusted to us by God. We decided that we were going to be wise in handling money because it is not r eally our money,” shares this 35-year-old mother of three.


They negotiated with the credit card company that they owed the most money to, asking that the interest rate be waived and that they be given a discount. “We found out that the bank was open to that agreement,” she shares. In the process, the couple found creative ways to repay the debt--selling furniture and cutting back on their excessive lifestyle. “Tinipid naming ang sarili namin. Nag-iba ang priorities namin, (We changed our priorities and learned to save)” recalls Avelynn

In four years, Vic and Avelynn became debt-free. Today, they live comfortably in their 1,000 square-meter dream house and have the luxury of owning four cars. The turmoil they went through has inspired them to help others find financial freedom.

It doesn’t matter if you are an executive earning a monthly six-figure income or a start-up employee just getting by. You can make your money work for you with these time-tested principles from the Garcias.

Step # 1 List down your monthly income and expenses. According to Vic, the top skill in financial management is identifying where your money comes from and where it goes. List down all your sources of income every month so that you can plan your savings and expenses properly. Next, note down all your expenses for the month. It doesn’t matter how big or small the amounts are, just write it all down. Kepping track of all your spending will show you if you are on the right track budget-wise of if you are spending too much on things that you don’t really need.

Step #2 Analyze each item in your expense list. Ask yourself: Is there a cheaper alternative you can tap? For example, do you really need to buy that leading brand of toothpaste or is there a more budget-friendly option? Do you really need to drive your car to the office everyday or would it be more economical to carpool with a neighbor?


Step #3 Stick to the 70-20-10 formula. The Garcias teach that you should live within just 70% of your income. The remaining 20% should go to a savings or emergency fund. ”This is important so that whatever happens, if there is a sickness or an emergency in the family, you don’t have to borrow,” explains Vic. The last 10%, Vic and Avelynn say, belongs to God and should be given to your church. “If you invest your money in a bankm you get two to five percent interest, but if you give to God, He promises a hundred-fold blessing.” The Garcias set aside this donation first thing every month and even go beyond 10% when they can manage it. Avelynn knows it’s an easy thing to do, but many auspicious events lead them to believe it is a worthwhile exercise. “One time at church, Vic told me to write down this amount on the check. When I heard the amount, I felt weak. But I decided to do it. Before the week ended, we were blessed with an account that was even a hundred times more than what we had given.”

Step #4 Open at least two bank accounts, advise the Garcias. Money kept on hand is easily spent so better to stash it in a bank. Get a regular account for your revolving fund, the money allotted for your daily expenses. Get another account to hold your contingency or emergency fund. Vic says this second account should contain three times the amount of your monthly expenses.

For example, if you have a monthly expense of P10,000, your contingency account should contain P30,000. “This is to prepare you just in case something happens to you or your spouse. If you lose your job, for example, at least you have three months to look for one before you run out of cash.”

Once the contingency fund reaches the minimum amount, it is time to open another account for your short-term and long-term savings. You use this third account to save up for major purchases, such as household appliances, furniture, or a car. “When you segregate your money into different accounts, they become easier to manage. When you follow this basic system, I assure you that time will come that you will be able to buy what you need to buy without borrowing money,” says Vic.

--by Jennifer Yap Caspe
for "Good Housekeeping Magazine"
September 2004 issue

Photo: Taal Sunrise (12-19-04)

Photo: Invincible (8-15-04)

Thoughts: Invincible

I can't sleep.

I feel I am standing on the edge of my destiny.

After months--no, years--of hoping and dreaming and having those dreams dashed into a million pieces, I sense that I am entering into a new season.

I have finally learned how to overcome frustration and disappointment.

I feel invincible.

This is a new day for me. . .

--Dec. 15, 2004

Photo: Moonlight Over Taal (5-4-04)

Thoughts: A Confession

This morning I received a text message from a distressed friend. “You know,” she confessed, “I don’t understand what’s causing this deep sadness. I maybe in a crowd, but I still feel so alone. I find myself crying uncontrollably. I don’t understand this at all.” I was tempted to quote a Bible passage, but instead revealed that I’ve been feeling the same way. I am crying with you, I texted back.

Yesterday I had a heart-to-heart talk with the members of the Bible study group that I am leading. At the risk of losing their respect, I told them about the faith crisis I am undergoing. The past months have been an emotional roller-coaster ride for me, having had to face turmoil in both my career and personal life. Now I honestly don’t know where my life is heading. I seem to have lost passion for the things I used to care deeply about and it scares me because I don’t think I can survive a long time just going through the motions.

I had always acted brave in front of them, not wanting to let my disappointment with God affect their growing faith, but last night I was beyond my breaking point. Their reaction surprised me. As we were about to pray, A, one of the jolliest girls I know, broke the silence. “Naiiyak ako ( I feel like crying),” she admitted. With that, C too began to get teary-eyed. Then our sobs turned to laughter as we frantically searched for tissue paper. I had expected condemnation, but what I got was an outpouring of love and sympathy.

Last night I told God, “ I may have misinterpreted all the things You told me, and have held on to promises that You didn‘t make, but I know I can still hold on to one thing, and that's Your love for me."

Thank you, A and C, for letting me experience God’s unconditional love at this difficult time. . .

--Written Dec. 6, 2004 (1:58 PM)

Photo: A chance meeting with Mr. Ryan Cayabyab at the Podium Mall eight years after singing at his 25th Anniversary concert, my last stint with the Ateneo Glee Club. (12-4-04)

Photo: Roselle, me and Vince as guest audience at ABS-CBN's Morning Star with Boy Abunda as host for the week (11-19-04)

Article: Dental Chair Wisdom

I just had the most painful molar extraction of my life and I still have bleeding gums and a mouth sore to show for it. Ten years ago my orthodontist discovered that I had four impacted wisdom teeth, the kind that grew sideways. She advised me to have them removed before they ruined the teeth beside them. The problem was my mother was against tooth extraction. She had this gnawing fear of losing a daughter there on the dental chair. What a sad way to exit this life! And so we postponed the dreaded tooth surgeries until after I grew out of my braces.

It took me a total of eight years to have these four teeth taken out. Two years ago I finally had the last of those misdirected wisdom teeth pulled out. Although it was not a exactly a happy experience, I was back to my cheery self right after my dentist closed off the wound with surgical thread. I’m proud to say that I’m not squeamish when it comes to needles and surgical equipment. My frequent trips to the dermatologist have prepared me for that. (Oh, the things we endure in the name of beauty!) Unfortunately, my orthodontist’s prediction came true—the tooth had already grated the molar beside it, creating a deep, nasty hole. I lived with that condition until a trip to the ortho early this year jolted me out of my complacency.

The orthodontist decided it was time to pull out the molar because it had become useless. Parting with unwanted wisdom teeth was not a problem, but now my precious molar? Would food taste as good without it? Wouldn’t my face sag if we pulled this one out? I consulted my mother and it was decided that I go back to my other dentist for a second opinion. This dentist had good news. He could restore the molar, he said. This started a process that had me going to the dental office every two weeks for treatment and root canal.

I’m no masochist, but I looked forward to my trips to the dentist. The root canal didn’t hurt at all, thanks to my dentist’s gentle hands, and I always went home feeling that I did something good for myself--like getting a pedicure or going to a spa. Then, two weeks ago, I munched on something hard, and heard the tooth snap. But I had a trip to the beach to attend to, so I just shrugged it off till my scheduled appointment.

Back on the dental chair, I was happily planning my outfit for this race I was joining the next day, when my dentist gave me the grim news. He said he had no other recourse but to pull my molar out because it had become brittle. “If I don’t remove it now, it’s going to bother you later,” Dr. Joseph Lim warned. I was tempted to postpone it for a couple of days, but the Ortigas traffic came to mind and I decided that braving the surgery was more tolerable than enduring yet another afternoon in Manila’s horrendous traffic.

I tried to stay calm, except that I wasn’t mentally prepared for this. My palms started sweating when I remembered how long those anesthetic needles were. I know coffee is supposed to have a pain-killing effect, but the café mocha I downed at lunch didn’t help at all. What it did was increase my heart rate, sending me into panic mode. I cringed in pain every time the dentist jabbed my gums with anesthesia. But that was just the start of the ordeal. The molars, I learned, are the sturdiest facial bones we have. On top of that, this particular molar had lost its crown and had cracked in 5 different places, leaving my dentist no choice but to excavate from the root! It took 4 additional jabs of anesthesia to quiet the pain caused by the pressure of the dentist’s shiny forceps and excavator.

I squirmed and hollered in my seat, begging him to stop poking my irritated gums with his massive weapons of tooth destruction. It was the first time I saw my even-tempered dentist lose patience. “Doctora, bring in the army and navy,” the dentist commanded his assistant. What? Now we need a whole battalion to get thing off? The army and navy, he explained, are just two of the weird names those in the dental profession had tagged their power tools. Some sense of humor, huh? Remind me never to marry a dentist!

When the whole tooth was completely dismantled, the dentist showed me what the 5 truncated pieces looked like. Trust me, it was not a pretty sight. Wincing in pain, I gathered what was left of my dignity, got up from the dental chair and ambled to the front desk to pay the P1,500 fine, I mean, fee. I noticed that the waiting room was practically empty. I wonder how many patients ran out of the door after hearing my histrionics. It’s a good thing I had a late schedule or I could have scared the wits out of more people. Definitely bad business for my dentist!

Now I carry a painful and expensive lesson from that ordeal. I learned never, ever to procrastinate when it comes to my health. I could have prevented losing that molar had I listened to my orthodontist ten years ago. But no, I had to wait until nature had taken its course and so as natural as the laws of science, I had to reap the consequences.

From now on, I am going to take better care of my body. As trite as it sounds, an ounce of prevention is indeed better than a pound of cure, and I learned that first-hand right there on that dental chair. Which reminds me, I have to get that treadmill that I’ve been eyeing. A treadmill, I think, is a lot cheaper than heart surgery, which I am definitely not going to have!

--Written Nov. 13, 2004

Photo: Chateau Verde Gumamelas (11-6-04)

Photo: The dog is real! (7-20-04)

Article: The Dog That Followed Me Home

It was one of those days when you wake up feeling that life’s passing you by, and try as you might, you just have no control over it. I'd turned 30 a few weeks back, and it seemed like my dreams had been put on hold indefinitely and there’s no telling when they’d ever come to pass. Instead of sulking in my room, I decided to be proactive about it. To shake off the blues, I called up a friend to invite her to jog in UP. As it turned out, she had an early appointment that day. Undeterred, I put on my jogging outfit and bounded outdoors to face the morning sun. It was a beautiful day. Everything seemed bright, fresh and new. Everything except my attitude, that is.

After a brief chat with my neighbor, I pounded the pavement to walk off my frustrations, exhaling and inhaling deeply as I went. I was so determined to squeeze out every inch of angst from my system that I ended up walking past my usual route, and found myself several meters outside the village. Almost out of breath and sweating profusely, I stopped in front of an old church, where a dog trainer was patiently coaching a golden retriever. Fascinated, I watched them as they went through their routine.

I’d wanted to have a dog for as long as I could remember. In fact, the first short story I’d ever thought of writing as a child involved a momma dog and her puppies. Five years ago, my uncle gave us a baby Shih Tzu. He was a fuzzy fur-ball of a puppy, his coat a swirl of vanilla, mocha and chocolate. He looked so delicious that I named him Mico, short for Milk Chocolate. Mico was a sweetheart. Everybody loved him. And he responded by following everyone around the house, wagging his cute little tail as he went along. Two weeks after we had him, I went home with an aunt and proudly told her about my new puppy. When the maid opened the door, I asked her to get Mico so that I could introduce him to our visitor. I could never forget the look on her face as she told me that Mico died that afternoon. It turned out that Mico, being the darling that he was, ran after our driver as he was going to the garage. Our driver didn’t know that the puppy was in harm’s way when he backed the car. I didn’t even get a chance to take his picture or say goodbye.

Several months later, my generous uncle gifted us with two more dogs, this time a pair of powder-white Shih Tzus that my sister and I named Cookie and Cream. Originally, we named them Salt and Pepper, but we figured that the names didn’t suit them at all. Cookie and Cream looked so alike that it was hard to tell them apart. To make sure they were safe, our maids put them inside a cemented cage beside our garage. They only got out when we played with them. Our idea backfired. A few months later, Cookie and Cream became ill and had to be rushed to the vet. They had contracted pneumonia. I think the cold cement floors did them in. After staying in the vet for a few days, Cookie was put to sleep and Cream followed soon after. I’d never let a dog into my heart since.

That’s why I felt a little silly asking the dog trainer for a calling card. Maybe, I would get assigned to do a story about dog trainers someday and this information would come in handy. I trekked to our village with that calling card in hand. Half-way back, I felt my dark mood lifting. It must be the endorphins kicking in. I started thanking God for my life, despite the stops and stalls and seemingly endless wait. I reasoned that Jesus was a nobody until he turned 30 and that He was single all His life, until he died on the cross and resurrected at age 33. Just as I was telling God that in my mind, a yellow butterfly fluttered by. Smiling to myself, I turned a corner to reach our street.

It was then that I felt a presence behind me. From the corner of my eye, I saw a black, thin, scraggly dog quietly following my every step. I tried not to mind it, because I heard that dogs attack when they sense fear. Fortunately, a security guard on a motorcycle passed my way. I asked him to scare the dog away and he did. A few seconds after he left, though, the dog tracked me down again and didn’t leave my side. Then, it hit me. Maybe this dog was sent to minister to me.

I slowed down, let the scrawny dog get past me and watched for his reaction. To my surprise, he stopped, looked back at me with those soulful brown eyes, and waited for me to keep pace. When I tried walking faster, it ran to catch up with me. My fear of being attacked by a rabid dog vanished that moment. I wanted to pat this thoughtful dog on his smelly head, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it (Ayoko magkagalis!), so I just smiled my sweetest smile at him, hoping he’d sensed my gratitude. Just then, I noticed that a man who was washing a car outside his house was staring at me, wondering what in the world I was thinking grinning at a dog. Oops!

When I reached my house, I decided to go past it, not wanting to part from his company. Not just yet. We walked together two more blocks, before entering a basketball court. People who saw us together asked if he was my pet. I told them that the dog just followed me. At the court, I watched a man and a woman play ball, with the dog sitting close beside me. I lingered for a moment, capturing the image of this sweet mongrel and me in my mind. Looking at his scrawny and blistered body, I figured that he had received rejection all his life. Yet, in spite of that, he didn’t hesitate to reach out to me. What touched me was the fact that this mutt must have never received love and acceptance in his life, but he went out of his way to make me feel wanted and cared for.

The faithful dog followed me until it was time to go home. As a reward, I served him a hearty breakfast of chicken and rice, which he devoured in a matter of minutes. Then, he was gone. A few days later, I set out in my jogging suit to look for him, but I didn’t see him. I’ve never caught sight of him to this day. Has he become Asocena? Did my feeding him cause him to suffer indigestion and die? I’ll never know. Only God knows. But one thing is for sure, he will forever be a reminder to me that God can use anything (and I mean anything!) --even a smelly, old dog-- just to communicate His love and concern for His children.

--Jennifer Yap Caspe

Written Nov. 11, 2004

Photo: Lolo James and me

Article: The Beggar

“Thank you, Ma’am. Praise the Lord!” the old beggar exclaimed in clear American English, as I hastily shoved a ten-peso coin into his grubby hand. I was on my way to a worship service at a city park one hot February day when I chanced upon the kindly old man by the side walk, charming passers-by for alms with his toothless smile and unusually sunny disposition.

Minutes later, I was sitting comfortably in the shade, listening to an American preacher’s musings about God. Still, the memory ofthe old man lingered in my mind. I discreetly got up from my seat, excused myself from my friends and looked for him in his spot under the shade, but he was gone. About to give up my search, I saw him a few meters away, cooling himself under the tree.

I offered to take him to the meeting, hoping that the preacher’s words would somehow give him some solace from the hard life I assumed he was having. “I’d rather stay here,” he defiantly but nicely said. His arthritis had been giving him a lot of trouble, he said, so he’d rather stay put. Not wanting to upset him further,I relented and instead sat with him by the side walk. A group of passing teenagers curiously stared at us, wondering why a well-dressed twenty-something would take interest in chatting with an old, dirty derelict.

I learned that his name was James Moreno and that he was 80 years old. “I’ve been here since Mt. Pinatubo erupted. It isgenerous hearts like you who keep me alive,” he wistfully shared while gesturing to the passers-by. Owning nothing more than the grimy shirt on his back and a few mementos from his past, he roamed the park everyday, depending on park visitors and joggers for his daily sustenance. When it rained, he would take shelter under the trees and concrete structures that dotted the place. Park authorities must have found him too pitiful and too old to shoo away.

When I probed further, he told me that he used to entertain American GI’s as a cabaret singer in Olongapo City. He got his American accent from them, he shared. When Mt. Pinatubo erupted in 1991, torrents of lahar covered entire towns. He tried to save his wife and children, but in the end he could only save himself. Having no where to go, he pushed his luck in Manila, and ended up begging at this well-maintained park.

I took his story with a grain of salt, wondering if senility had somehow affected his memory. His story reads like a movie, I thought to myself. I looked intently into his cataract-laden eyes as he was talking, trying to find some clues as to the veracity of his words. As if on cue, he quietly pulled out his wallet--his last remaining treasure-- to show me a picture taken more than 50 years ago. It was a glamour shot of a handsome young man with a prominent chin and kind eyes. “This is me when I used to sing in the nightclubs in Olongapo,” he proudly intimated. Looking at the photograph andthen at his wrinkled face, I couldn’t deny that the man in the picture had his eyes.

“People say that this is a punishment from God. It’s not. God is love, period,” he said of his fate. To lighten the mood, I asked him to sing me a song. “It would be your Valentines gift to me,”I coaxed. He began crooning a song made famous in the late 70’s, melting away whatever remaining reservations I had. “ I cried the tears, you wiped it dry. I was confused, you cleared my mind. I sold my soul, you bought it back for me. You put me high upon a pedestal, so high that I could almost see eternity. You needed me. . . You needed me. . .” His voice sounded good despite the raspy quality that must have been brought by both age and grief. I couldn’thelp stifling a sob. I told him it was one of the best Valentines gift I had ever received.

Having had lost both sets of grandparents early, I asked him if I could call him “Lolo,” the Filipino word for grandfather. “Itwould be my pleasure,” he chirped, flashing me a toothless grin. By this time, a crowd had gathered around us. The same group of teenagers who stared at us minutes ago was now smiling back at us, eager to hear what we were talking about. “God sent you to me. You are a blessing from God. See, most of the time people don‘t even mind me, but because of you they‘re noticing me,” Lolo James said.

Somewhat afraid that this vision before me would suddenly vanish and turn out to be a heavenly apparition, I fished out my camera from my bag and asked someone in the group to take our picture. When the teenagers left, Lolo James gave me an advice culled from a life fraught with both joys and sorrows. “I have a message for you,” he thoughtfully said, “Always give thanks. Appreciate what you have. Don’t ask for what you don’t have. When God gives people an apple, they will ask for a dozen. When God gives them a dozen, they will ask for a sack.”

As dusk was about to settle, I asked Lolo James if he wanted to eat with me at a restaurant nearby. Since he didn't want to enter the establishment, I ended up buying burgers for us to eat under the tree. Before long, I had to go back to the meeting to join my waiting friends. I left Lolo James sitting contently on a park bench, getting ready for bedtime. I promised to visit him when I could.

It has been two years since I last saw my adopted grandfather. Still, it amazes me how someone who has suffered much can have such a grateful heart. I guess it is true what I once read in a book: God is sometimes closer to beggars than kings.

-- by Jennifer Yap Caspe
Written Oct. 22, 2004
Published as "Grateful Heart ,"
Philippine Daily Inquirer's Young Blood,
Nov. 13, 2004

Enteng Tagle by videographer Manny Pelayo

Article: The Little Hero

“Marami po akong kalarong natabunan. Si Ryan, si Engie, Nel, Me-ann. . . .(I have a lot of playmates who were buried underneath this dump. Ryan. Engie, Nel, Me-Ann)” Vicente Tagle’s voice trails off as he tries to hold back the tears. Five days ago ten-year-old Enteng had just buried his sister Mary Rose, one of the innocent casualties of the treacherous mountain of garbage in a place ironically labelled Lupang Pangako (Land of Promise). Enteng and I are standing on the section where most of the bodies of the 217 landslide victims were excavated, overlooking the area where his family’s shanty once stood. Hundreds more are buried underneath this very mound of debris, their secrets forever buried in this heap that they once called home. It’s been two weeks since the Payatas tragedy and the rescuers have all gone home. “Wala na ring kwenta kasi hindi na rin makikila ang mga mukha, naagnas na, (It’s no use. We can't recognize their faces anyway. They’ve started decaying,” comments Stimson Tagle, Engteng’s father. The smoke, the smell of decaying bodies and the cries of those left behind have all but lifted, leaving in their trail a disturbing sense of calm. Everything is quiet except for a few neighborhood children playing. Little Enteng joins them in throwing stones at the small creek where many of their playmates’ bodies were found. This is Enteng’s playground. It's the only life he has ever known.

Ten years ago, Entengs’ parents Stimson and Rosalinda Tagle set out from the province of Samar to seek a better life in Manila. They settled in Payatas when the air was cleaner and the volume of garbage a lot smaller. “Hindi pa ganito ang basurahan dito. Dahil ito may kalye yan dito. Yung tinatambakan na ito puro kalye yan. (The garbage didn’t use to be this bad. There used to be a street here. Actually this place we’re standing on used to be a street) ” reminisces Stimson. He was then a hopeful 24-year-old who tried his luck as a construction worker while Minda took charge of the house. Then the kids came one after the other, all six of them. The couple began frequenting the growing mountain of trash outside their house to feed their growing family. They gathered scraps and other refuse that they could use inside the home. “Nanguha ho kami ng pang-gatong (We gather firewood from the dump),” says Stimson.

Enteng has always been an asset to Stimson and Rosalinda . Being the eldest boy in the family, he is tasked to take care of his siblings, a responsibility he has neither resented nor tried to escape. Enteng takes care of 5 children, whose ages range from six to one, while his mother volunteers at the nearby day-care center to augment the family income. “Mahal na mahal ko po sila (I love them very much),” Enteng says of his brood. Even at play, Enteng is often seen carrying 1-year-old Junior.

His parents had always known that their firstborn was different from other kids. At an early age, Enteng showed a certain earnestness and maturity beyond his years. Although outgoing when with his dumpsite playmates, his father sensed a pensiveness in him. “Minsan tahimik lang yan, sa isang tabi (He’s a quiet child. Oftentimes he just stays in a corner),” says Stimson, “Pinipili niya yung mga kalaro niya. (He chooses his playmates)”

“Noong linggo po, bago mangyari ang trahedya, naglalaro po kami ng taguan. Masaya po kami noong naglalaro kami. Hindi ho namin naisip na mangyayari po ang trahedya, (A day before the tragedy, my playmates and I were playing hide and seek. We were happy. It didn’t cross our minds that this tragedy would happen)” Enteng says, with his head bowed down. Yet, his father said they were not really caught by surprised. Last August 1999, a tragedy of a smaller scale had already transpired at Lupang Pangako. Nobody was seriously hurt that time. so for many, this did not serve as a warning for many of the residents living in the dump. Perhaps it did, but Rosalinda said they didn’t have much choice. Their economic status could not afford them the right to move to safer ground. “I-rerelocate ho dapat kami. Pero dito rin, malayu-layo lang sa basura (They tried to relocate us, but it’s the same place a little far from the garbage) ,” explains Rosalinda, “Pinagbabayad kami ng P2,000 sa lugar, lugar lang. Wala pang bahay yun. Eh, wala naman po kaming ganun kalaking halaga. (They were asking us to pay them P2,000 just for the lot. That doesn’t even include the house. We didn’t have enough money.)”

Early dawn on the day of the tragedy, a neighbor warned Stimson that the heavy rains had caused water to rise to a dangerous level. This prompted him to wake his family. Stimson asked his eldest son to gather their things so that they could temporarily stay in a friend’s house. He thought his family would be safe there. He was wrong. At eight o’clock in the morning, Stimson saw a crack on the ground. When he put down hiis belongings, he saw the pile collapse. He shouted for his family to run, but when he looked again, the heap was already bearing down on them.

Rosalinda said she heard a loud explosion, in that instant her whole body was flung meters away from the house. She landed on the kitchen of a neighbor and struggled to get out. The first thing that went through her mind was her children. She didn’t know that she was about to lose a daughter.

Enteng was sorting out their belongings when he heard the loud noise. His first instinct was to go up the stairs to fetch Junior. Moving with a youngster’s agility, he quickly found his brother, who was crying lungs out, obviously startled by the noise. As soon as Enteng grabbed the baby, everything went pitch black. “Biglang dumilim, may makapal na usok. At saka may naririnig akong humihingi ng saklolo. Kinabahan po ako (It suddenly got dark. I heard people asking for help. I got nervous) ,” Enteng narrates.

He found his way to the small sala, where he found his playmate Kikay buried under wood and debris. Enteng gathered Junior in his arms and sought for a way out. Luckily, he noticed light streaming from a small hole in the middle of the debris. He inched his way out, getting nicks and cuts in the process. Except for a few minor wounds, however, Enteng and his brother escaped unharmed. He called for help, and showed some men where to find Kikat, who was eventually sawved from certain death.

“Nung makita ko si Enteng namumutla (When I saw Enteng he was very pale),” his father narrates. Father and son found each other near the store where they get their daily supply of pan de sal. The whole family was safe, except for Mary Rose, who was still missing. That afternoon rescuers found her body near the creek alongside those of her playmates. “Naisip ko kung nasagip ko sana si Mary Rose buhay pa sana siya ngayon, (If I were only to save Mary Rose, she would still be alive today.)” says Enteng, trying very hard to muffle the sobs.

In the cloistered school room of Lupang Pangako Elementary School that they shared with 10 families, the Tagle’s tried to recover from the shock of losing a dearly loved daughter. They were quite lucky. Some residents had more dead to bury. In some families, the dead outnumbered the living. Ironically, the only thing the Tagle’s were able to salvage from the rubble was Mary Rose’s school bag. For food and everything else, they had to depend on hand-outs and donations that came from the steady stream of civic-oriented groups that trooped to Payatas.

Three days after the disaster, singer Gary Valenciano made a surprise visit in the evacuation center to extend comfort to the victims. When Gary heard how Enteng had risked his life to save his brother and playmate, he hugged the boy tightly and called him a hero.

But for someone like Enteng a title like that doesn’t mean much. What matters to him is that his playmates and siblings, the people closest to his heart, would live to enjoy another day of play. “Basta lumakas lang po ang loob ko. Naisip ko kailangan ko siyang sagipin Dahil kalaro ko po siya eh, ( I had this conviction that I have to save her, because she is my playmate),” he says of his rescue of Kikay. “Dahil kalaro ko po siya eh. (Because she’s my playmate)” That is reason enough for him to have risked his life. Yet there is this gnawing sense that he could have done more--for Mary Rose, for his other playmates. His face turns reflective again. The rawness of his grief resurfaces as he tells me of his message to other kids his age: “Mga bata mahalin nila yung mga kapatid ninyo, kasi baka matulad sila sa kapatid ko. (You should love your siblings. You never know, they might end up dead like my sister.)” Then he looks away. To distract him from the pain, I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up. “Gusto ko pong makatapos ng college, para maging pulis. Dahil po nagliligatas ng mga tao, (I want to finish college so that I can be a policeman. I want to save lives)” he intimates, “Masarap po ang pakiramdam kapag nagliligtas po ng tao eh. (Saving lives gives me a good feeling)”

Later, I learn from Rosalinda that this is to be Enteng’s last day at Lupang Pangako. The family is being relocated to the Erap Village in Montalban, Rizal, where a better life hopefully awaits them. As the sun sets, I accompany Enteng and his family as they leave this despicable place they have learned to love. This is a sacred moment in their lives. “Ayoko ko na ho tumira dito sa Payatas dahil baka gumuho uli, (I don’t want to live in Payatas anymore. We might experience a landslide again)” Enteng tells me. He leaves Lupang Pangako without even looking back, perhaps knowing he deserves so much more than this dump could ever offer.

--by Jennifer Y. Caspe
Published in the “Sunday Inquirer Magazine” August 27, 2000
Finalist for "Best Special Feature" at the 2001 Catholic Mass Media Awards

Photo:Papa's Flowers

Article: Grace Under Fire

The buzz of her doorbell interrupted Lani Generoso,duty manager of the Oakwood Premier in Manila, as she prepared for bed at 1.30 a.m. on July 27 last year.“There are armed soldiers in the lobby,” front-desk officer Don-don Rambla blurted as she opened the door.

Turning on the TV news, Generoso discovered that there was a commotion in the vicinity of the hotel. About 200 rebel soldiers had taken over the Oakwood and were holding more than 600 guests, including Australian ambassador Ruth Pearce, hostage. The mutineers were accusing the government of breeding corruption and sponsoring terrorism. In response, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo demanded the soldiers’ surrender by sundown the next day or face “dislodgement using reasonable force.”

This is a nightmare, thought 34-year-old Generoso.Within 20 minutes she was in the lobby assisting Oakwood general manager Robert Rosetti and security manager Michael Brown negotiate with the mutineers.“We do not wish to harm you,” the rebel leader toldthem. “Nevertheless, you do exactly what we tell you to do.” The young officer demanded that no-one use their mobile phones.

Generoso took charge of the front desk and was pleased to see that Rambla had already shredded the guest list. With the help of the front-desk staff, she changed the Australian ambassador’s name on all the files and unplugged the laptop that created computerized room keys and contained guest information.

Defying the hostage takers, Generoso had switched her mobile phone to silent mode, and when a call came she scooted under a table to answer it. An Oakwood executive watching everything from across the streettold her: “All the planter boxes fronting the building have bombs, and I can see the detonators.”

Just before dawn, Rosetti, Brown and Generoso told the soldiers that there wasn’t enough food and water for the guests. The rebel leader agreed to release them,but the 35 employees had to stay behind. It was decided that the guests would be taken to the frontentrance and Generoso would escort them to waiting buses.

Generoso swallowed hard as she led the first line out the door. Hundreds of bomb fuses were strewn over the street. A guest almost tripped over a wire, causing panic. “It’s going to explode,” a bystander yelled.

“Don’t listen to them. It’s not true!” Generoso shouted back, trying to calm the disoriented guest. I could escape if I want to, she thought while guiding another group of guests but dismissed the thought for the two gruelling hours it took to lead everyone,including the Australian ambassador, to safety.

It wasn’t until 6.15 p.m., less than an hour before the government’s deadline, that the employees were allowed to leave. The moment she got home, Generoso received a call from her former boss Peter Lucas, now in Tokyo. “I saw you on the BBC,” Lucas said. “You were directing traffic so calmly. You have nerves of steel.” Generoso took one bite of a sandwich andcollapsed on her bed. The rebels surrendered around 11 that evening.

“It feels great to know that I was given a chance to make a difference and I was able to deliver,” Generoso says, “Now I can say I contributed something to the human race.”

-- by Jennifer Yap Caspe
From the “Everyday Heroes” section
of Reader’s Digest Asia, June 2004
(Pages 10-12)

Beijing Aquarium

Article: God Still Heals the Deaf

As a segment producer for the 700 Club Asia, my responsibility is to scout for stories during the medical mission. One of my most unforgettable stories happened in Negros Oriental. During the first day of our mission at a barangay called Guba, deep in the hinterlands of Negros, I met a lady named Rosita Onding who was hearing impaired. I saw her at the counseling area along with her sister while I was making my usual rounds. When she spotted me, she pointed to her ear to tell me that she had difficulty hearing. At that point, I was burdened to pray for her, but since she was already at the counseling area and a counselor was scheduled to talk to her, I chose to ignore the impulse.

When I went to another area of the mission site, I saw Rosita again, this time seated under the shade, watching some children play. She pointed to her ears and in halting Visayan told me that she could not hear well. “Umuugong, parang may helicopter,” (There’s a ringing sound, like a helicopter.) she described. I looked at her ashen countenance and did the one thing I knew would help—I prayed for her. Touching her ears, I asked God to restore her hearing. She was quiet the whole time, probably not knowing how to respond. After the prayer, I tried to convince her to get herself checked by an Operation Blessing doctor because I learned that she still hadn’t done so. She thanked me and left.

An hour later, I saw her again, this time with her sister. When I asked if she had already seen the doctor, her sister told me that she still hadn’t. Upon further questioning, I learned that because she couldn’t hear well she didn’t know that the consultation was free. Her sister and I began convincing Rosita to go to the doctor, with her sister telling her in Visayan that this was a “once in a lifetime opportunity.” That was the last I heard from Rosita that afternoon.

A day later, we went to another site a few hours from Guba. Since I was having a problem with the video camera, my cameraman and I arrived at Malangsa late in the afternoon. I rushed to the counseling area, where the miracles usually occur. As I watched the counselors pray for people, I noticed that a lady at the far end of the room was staring at me. Feeling self-conscious, I stared back and it dawned on me that the lady was Rosita. Her face was glowing, like oil was poured on her head and she was smiling. I went straight to her and heard the wonderful news—she could now hear!

To verify if it was indeed a miracle, I took her to Dr. Meshelle Butoy who checked her condition the day before. Dr. Meshelle diagnosed her condition as a probable case of Meniere’s disease, which affects the inner ear. Moreso, Dr. Meshelle said that hers was more of a psychological condition because the ringing in her ears started when her child figured in an accident some years ago.

Dr. Meshelle attested a miracle had indeed taken place. “I thank God because I believe it really is a miracle [kasi yun nga] for her to be healed that fast. It’s like [ano lang eh], just how many hours [lang] from yesterday. Hindi kuha ng antibiotics yun (antibiotics can’t do that.),” she explained. But Rosita and her family didn’t even need the doctor’s confirmation. They were fully convinced that God had supernaturally healed Rosita. “Sabi ng mga anak ko, makarinig na si Mama! Ay, magpasalamat tayo sa Diyos,” (My children said, ‘Mama can now hear! Let’s thank God.') she exclaimed. Rosita is living proof that the Jesus who healed the deaf and the blind when He walked the earth more than two thousand years ago still heals people today. And all He asks is that we believe.

--by Jennifer Yap Caspe
From the "Blessings Asia" Website,
July 2003

Photo: Super Girl & Tomb Raider

Super Girl & Tomb Raider

Article: The Mark of a Hero

What does it take to be a hero? What are the qualities that set a man or woman above the rest? ? Do you have to have the writing and speaking prowess of Jose Rizal? Or the brains of mega-mogul Bill Gates, perhaps? Will you have to acquire the golf swing of Tiger Woods or the charisma of John F. Kennedy? The world may define success according to the amount of power, riches and intelligence a person possesses. But Jesus Christ has a different definition of greatness.

Jesus said: "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant." Greatness according to God is servanthood. When you think about it, Jesus, the God incarnate, came down to earth not to be served but to serve. In fact, the whole reason why he came here is to give his life for us.

You want to be great in God’s eyes? Serve. Serve in love. You want to be a hero according to Jesus’ standards? Help those who are in need. It doesn’t take a genius to do that. Nor does it take great knowledge or power. All it takes is willpower and humility. More so, you don’t need to acquire a master’s degree or be elected as senator to be able to do that. You can start now, right where you are. Look around you. There will always be people who need your help. Your barkada. The old woman crossing the street. Or that new student in your gym class. It can even be people in your own family. And remember, God recognizes your effort no matter how small the act may be. As Jesus had said, "Anyone who gives even a cup of cold water to anyone because he is my disciple will certainly not lose his reward."

Let me tell you another secret, God often disguises himself as the poor and needy. In the Bible, Jesus says that some day each one of us will face him and give an account of what we have done with our lives. He will commend some people and tell them, "Come and take your inheritance. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you gave invited me in, I was sick and you looked after me. I was in prison and you visited me." And they will ask Jesus, "When did we see you hungry, thirsty or sick?" Jesus will answer them, "Whatever you did for the least of your brothers, you did for me."

Now you know the secret to true greatness. The world may not applaud you. You may not become famous or rich, but by Jesus’ standards you will be great. In God’s eyes, you will be a hero!

--by Jennifer Y. Caspe
Written for "Conquest for Christ" Magazine
May 2002

Article: Pedal Power

Somewhere in the hills of Samar, in the southern Philippines, James Auste struggles through the rough terrain on his muddied bicycle. As fatigue takes its toll, the faces of the children in cancer wards he has visited appear before his eyes, goading him forward. He knows that every kilometre he covers might mean a life saved, a sick child restored to health.

To get here, Auste fought his own battle with cancer. As a 19-year-old political science student at Ateneo de Manila University, he was diagnosed with two brain tumours in 1996, although it was unlcear whether they were cancerous. Auste went to the United States for diagnosis and treatment, and while waiting for his biopsy, he was found to be suffereing from a rarely diagnosed condition called panhypopituitarism that stops the body from producing hormones necassary for survival and growth. He would need replacement therapy for the rest of his life.

By February 1997, the tumours had grown considerably and his doctors were now sure it was cancer. Fortunately, after a six-week course of radiation therapy, the tumours disappear.

During his illness, Auste discovered the survival rate of Filipino children with cancer was often compromised becasue they didn't have access to proper medical treatment. "These children die needlessly and painfully because they cannot afford the high cost of treatment," he says.

Around this time Auste saw a television documentary about a group cycling around the Philippines to raise awareness for cancer. He decided to do the same thing to raise funds for children with cancer.

Auste was inspired in part by Frederick Dalisay, whom he had met in the hospital. Dalisay, a cyclist also undergoing treament for a brain tumour, had encouraged Auste to cycle. In no time he was pedalling as far as his strength could take him. Dalisay was delighted by Auste's progress but was too sick to join him.

After Dalisay died in December 1999, Auste pushed harder to realise his plans. The following June, Auste, wearing Dalisay's favourite cycling jersey, led a core group of eight bikers out of Manila. The plan was to cycle 1000 kilometres in two weeks through Luzon and Visayas, creating awareness of the disease while collecting money for kids with cancer.

Soon the number of bikers ballooned to 300. "When we reached a town, local cyclists would just appear and follow us," Auste recalls.

He was particularly touched by the children he met on the tour. In Catbalogan, a group of primary school children from poor families gave him their school allowances.

In all, two cycling tours have raised over $19,000 for Auste's Cancer Warriors Foundation (CWF). The foundation covers the medical costs of poor children with cancer, provides counseling for cancer patients and their families, and funds cancer awareness campaigns.

While fighting his own battle with cancer, Auste continues to find new ways to raise funds, including an annual concert in Manila. "Despite having cancer, I feel blessed," he says, "It has taught me the best way to live--enjoying and valuing life, and trying to make a difference with every precious moment."

-- by Jennifer Yap Caspe
from the March 2003 issue
of the "Reader's Digest,"
pages 11-12

Article: The Double Dare Challenge

A Pinoy family bags the grand prize in Nickelodeon's Double Dare 2000 game show! Gabby and Mabel Lim, with their kids Alisa and Mikee, took on the challenge of Double Dare 2000 and went home with the grand prize - an all expense paid trip to Hawaii! It all started with a letter 10-year old Alisa sent to Nickelodeon to qualitfy for Double Dare 2000, dubbed "as the grossest, most physically and intellectually demanding game show on cable television".

"My family enjoys doing things together. But mom and dad always take care of the expenses", wrote Alisa to Nickelodeon. "My brother and I would like to do something special for them and Double Dare 2000 is it. We always watch this show and dream we will be in it one day. It will be a big surprise to mom and dad." Well, it turned out to be one big surprise indeed.

A few days later, the Nickelodeon crew was at their doorstep saying that they had qualified for the semifinals. The crew took footage of the family doing wacky stunts right in their own living room. "We had to pass hoola hoops to each other without using our hands and we had to do the newspaper dance," says Alisa. Ten days later, they were chosen to represent the Philippines in the special games to be held at the Nickelodeon studios in Florida, USA.

To prepare for the show, Gabby, a former varsity player at San Beda College, took on the role of head coach. Weekends saw him bringing the whole family to the village park to train the kids in teamwork and coordination. Mabel bought trivia books and started quizzing her brood.

Three days after they arrived in Florida, the Lim family geared up for battle. Double Dare pits two families against each other in two rounds of trivia and outrageous physical challenges that call for a lot of guts and a healthy sense of humor.

Pressure was intense. This was, in essence, their Olympics. Mabel was so nervous that she developed a stomachache during the first few minutes of the show. Added to the pressure was the fact that they were, according to Mikee, "bokya" (scoreless) during the first round. Fortunately they won the next two rounds which included "fixing" a giant meal of spaghetti by throwing humongous rubber meatballs, plastic pasta noodles, and gooey red sauce into a giant bowl. Winning those rounds qualified them to tackle the demanding Slobstacle Course, an eight-stage obstacle course to be finished in one minute. They finished it with on second to spare.

More than the prizes that they brought home, Gabby and Mabel are thankful for the way the Double Dare experience brought them closer as a family. "It encouraged us to spend more time with each other, specially during the weekends," says Gabby. "Giving up my career was the most difficult thing I had ever done. It was even harder than deciding to get married," confesses Mabel. "But seeing the fruit - that Alisa was able to write something like that - you realize that it was worth it." But no, Mabel clarifies, they aren't dreaming of becoming professional contestants.

-- by Jennifer Yap Caspe
From "Good Housekeeping" Magazine
December 2000 issue

Photo: This is Me!

This is me!

My Yearbook Write-up

Jenny is a free-spirited girl who never runs out of antics. She has been seen walking barefoot on newly-cut grass, strolling under a drizzle without an umbrella, humming along the empty corridors in her country dress and hiking boots. An adventurer at heart, she puts to shame some of the more cowardly guys in her batch. Who else would have the guts to climb a building ledge just to get a better angle for a photograph? What girl would jump off a 30-foot cliff and then convince a hesitant jumper that cliff-jumping is no more scarier than falling in love? Who else but Jenny, the person bold enough to brave a sea of humanity just to get a good picture of the Pope for her beloved school paper.

And this Management & Communications major is always in love--with life, with nature and her friends. She sees beauty in everything around her and never fails to amaze friends with her infectious awe for life.

She is a dreamer, someone who unhesitatingly ventures into new worlds to live what she believes in, to develop and share her God-given talents. The passion she exhibits in her various activities extends to her relationships. She is the type of person who takes time out from her classes to buy flowers to surprise a friend. Dependable, thoughtful and generous almost to a fault, she will shower you with attention, hold your hand as you go through the rough and good times, and make you laugh with her candid bloopers and funny retorts.

Jenny--the lady who will never run out of new old-songs to sing, mountains to conquer and far-away stars to wish on. A believer of Jesus Christ and happy endings.

--Ateneo de Manila, 1995 & 1997

My Ateneo Citation

Photography is the poetry of the eye: The futile quest of capturing what we see and what we feel for what passes for eternity. It is a lonely and often misunderstood art, where the quick flick of the button and setting of the lights passes for the romance and tragedy of perspective and composition.

It is however a lost art that has flourished quietly in the Ateneo, thanks in part to THE GUIDON's own eye for the heart-catching and the eye-warming. Jennifer Caspe is one in a line of lonely shutter-masters who have taken it upon themselves to propagate the love of the lens. As a solo hobbyist, as Photo editor, as professional, she has produced photographs which capture the action, the sadness, the joys of being Atenean. She is the visual chronicler of her Atenean generation, and has gone on to snap images of the Pope, Russia, Oxford in full bloom.

Jennifer Caspe combines journalism and art in a single shape and a variety of shades with her photographic work over the past few years. The distance from her lens to her eyes is the same distance from her photographs to our hearts. For her gift of bridging that timeless distance again and again, we are most proud to confer on Jennifer Y. Caspe the first Dean's Award for Photography.

--by Ruel S. de Vera, read during the Feb. 1997 Ateneo Dean's Awards for the Arts